Turkey Trot

Thanks to the crackers in my class, I am proud to announce that turkey season is upon us. And I don't mean jive turkeys...


Yep, south GA is chalk full of them...turkeys and crackers that is. Throughout the day, our breaks consist of hunting stories, gun talk, and youtube videos like the one I'm going to show you in just a bit. Now, I have never been much of a hunter. Gathering is much more my style. Call me a Democrat, but there is something about putting bullets in to animals that just seems a little off to me. And don't get me started on those outfits!

But I'm a man! I fish. I wear short shorts, sperrys and costas...damn it. I catch fish, and I eat them. I catch crabs...wait, shit. There's no sitting in trees or application of deer piss. It's hard to beat a day in the boat with beer and the Rockwells. Anyway, I'm sure it's a double-edged sword, but fishing just appeals to me way more. I have had this argument several times with classmates, but majority rules, especially when they have guns.

***The following video is kinda funny and kinda f'ed up; there is NO happy ending. This is a friend of mine and another guy going deer slayer on turkey asses.***

Stereotypes save you so much time...

Anyone who knows me well, would possibly guess that I am not a big fan of stereotyping people. While stereotyping is a terrible way to place an entire group of people into a usually derogatory generalization, it sure saves a lot of time. Last night, while I was walking around amongst Athens' finest, I came up with a list of my least favorite people. I am not sure which I like the least, so I am going to attempt to create a poll, and allow you, the reader, to help me decide. The three categories are:

The hipster: tight jeans, ironic t-shirt, trying so hard to not be like everyone else that they all end up looking and acting like each other

The neo-hippy: The hippies had their day, back in the 60s and 70s. I would not begrudge them for what kind of filth that attempted to follow in thier footsteps, the same way I cannot begrudge The Grateful Dead for being the father of jam bands. After all, in the Grateful Dead's day, there was no such thing as a "jam band", and it is not their fault, if idiots compare shitty bands to them. The neo-hippies usually smell funny, and don't do much for society as a whole. Societal problems are often pointed out, plausable solutions never seem to follow them. I have been mistaken for a hippie, and even have friends that would fit in this category. However last night when I was at Live Earth and the aroma of herb and petchulli filled the hair, I asked my buddy, who plays in a pretty awesome Athens band, if he ever gets disgusted by the neo-hippies, and he said, "yea...sometimes."

The Yuppie: According to my cousin, Friday night, as I was getting a ride home from the bars, I was yelling, "WASPS" at anyone wearing a sports coat. I know I tend to bust yall's balls from time to time about dressing like old people, but at least yall don't dress like an old person...who just got out of a board meeting...on a Friday night at midnight. If you don't know what a yuppy looks like, go hang out at The Bohemian sometime.

An Athens Weekend Pre-Cap

So it has been decided. The Weazle is Athens bound. It has been a long time since I have been up there last, possibly since "The Great Culture Debate of Ok State." I was pretty broke for the last two years of undergrad; so, my excursions were extremely sparse. But, Athens will always hold a place in my heart. I have never had a bad time there: from wrestling matches in the middle of the road to opening four tabs at the General in the matter of half an hour. I once took a short cut through a thorn bush only to find a barbed-wire fence on the other side: a bad time in Athens still doesn't seem that bad.

I couldn't find anyone to co-pilot my adventure; so, I am rolling solo. I believe there will be some perks to this: I do not have to look after my cousin at all, the gas expenses will be lower, because the weight of an extra body in my car would add to the gas milage, I can leave ASAP instead of waiting for someone to get off of work at 5. The main thing I am looking forward too, besides for seeing my blogging brothers, is getting inside Sanford Stadium. Despite the fact that I have been to Athens for game day three or four times, I never ended up getting a ticket to go in the game. This could possibly be because of my cheap nature.

The first time I went to Athens, I was visiting a friend of mine from Pennsylvania who went to Georgia, and the first thing I wanted to see was Sanford Stadium...Since that late summer day in 2004, (Bear Williams was just beginning to get hair on his who-who) I have not made it inside the stadium. However, G-Day is free; and, that's where you'll find me.

Athens won't be the same without Big D there, and I know I speak for everyone when I say that we are sorry for your family's loss, and our thoughts and prayers are with yall. I will hit on a 17 year old, just for you, this weekend... a win is a win.

First pitch set for Beer:30

The Savannah Sand Gnats kick off the 2010 season with Thirsty Thursday home opener. As always, it should be a hot mess. I have a ton of great memories from these games, and I know you do to. I'm gonna try and remember them as best I can, but you can always add to any when you see fit.

- Back during the BC days, Shane, Jack, Rick, and myself attended an "All you can eat" Monday. I have never seen someone eat as much as Rick did that night. Those hot dogs and peanuts and pizza and nachos left me with a feeling in my tummy that only Uncle Otto's could rival.

- Way back when, maybe even the days of the Savannah Cardinals, me and big bad dude were sitting in the bleachers down the first baseline. Of course, there were about 100 people in the entire stadium, but another dad/son duo sits right in front of us. Duder showed them. Not one but two foul balls were hit our way, and the man himself reaches over top of the little squirt for both foul balls. There were some groans after the first grab, but the entire stadium came down on dad when he snatched the second away from that kid. Dude responded with a big sip of beer and wave to all of his new friends.

- "Hey kid, you wanna rock to play with?" It was probably only the 3rd or 4th inning, but we had all pounded as many beers as we could stand. This little 'tard is trying to steal a rake from the bullpen...THROUGH A CHAIN LINK FENCE. I have no idea who the player is that said that memorable quote, but that right there was his defining moment.

- Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the same kid who's dad tried to get him to eat a bug the size of a baseball in exchange for a ride home after the game? Seems like a straight up deal. That old guy had a laugh that one could never forget. Trying to describe it right now would never do it justice.

- Is there a better way to promote safe driving than on Thirsty Thursday? No way. 70% of that crowd drove home hammered that night. Hell, I lived right around the block, and I drove just out of pure spite.

- Double header rain outs = Hey fans, you're welcome to hang of and drink for as long as you like. I still can't get the theme to Pirates of the Caribbean outta my head.

- You know what would be an awesome promotional giveaway? Let's give those drunk assholes rubber balls. No, they would never throw them on the field all at once while the game is going on. Oops. Mr. War Ball would have lost his mind if he saw that site.

- Officer Dixon v. the armed forces who have a particular disdain for pink shirts

- The laser show brought to you each and every week by everyone's main man, TP.

What!?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Nothing New...

...but it never gets old...

Shane's big bro: The Great Hambino

Opening Day

NL Division winners:

East: Phillies
Central: Cardinals
West: San Francisco
Wild Card: Braves beat Rockies in plan-in game

AL Division Winners:

East: Yankees
Central: Twins
West: Mariners
Wild Card: Rays

The OITO crystal ball told me...

- Set the over/under on the mention of Tiger Woods' name during the season at 8.5
- Set the over/under on how many times Thom Brennaman says, "(insert name) is the heart and soul of this baseball team" this season on Fox to 14.5
- Troy Glaus will be good for 30 & 100
- The Rays will have a 4 game lead in the AL East going in to September
- Knowing they need to make a playoff push, the Red Sox will get Roy Oswalt and Hanley Ramirez in trades
- Manny will be something other than Manny
- We'll have repeat winners of the AL & NL Cy Youngs (Lincecum and Greinke)
- The Braves will send 5 to the All Star game (Jurrjens, Hudson, McCann, Escobar & McLouth)
- Since he's on the way out, Bobby will give up dipping and just go ahead with smoking heaters in the dugout
- Joe Buck will get more camera time than any team/player during Fox broadcasts

Go Braves.

It's here. After all of the whining about a crappy tournament, we get to see the last four teams that have survived. Personally, I have enjoyed the madness, but at the same time I would love seeing Kansas take on Syracuse or Kentucky and Baylor fly up and down the court. None the less, the Final Four is upon us. And, it's going to deliver just as it always does.

Michgan State v Butler(-1)

MSU is what happens when a great coach teaches a group of kids how to play good team basketball. They were a mess at the beginning of the season, but Izzo set them straight. Raymar Morgan pretty much quit on the team earlier in the year, but after a good talkin to by Izzo, Morgan has seen the light.

Butler is the definition of a solid team. They're experienced, and it shows. Everyone on the floor puts in maximum effort on both ends of the court. Their head coach, Brad Stevens, is due for a pay day with his 0.863 winning percentage and all. Gordon Hayward is probably the best player of the four teams left.

Result: Izzo can't do it all. Butler wins 68-64

West Virginia v Duke(-3)

I have never been a Duke fan...ever. In no way am I saying that they aren't a talented group, but this team's success is and always will be (atleast as long as K is running shit) a product of the three ball going in. No real surprise there. I do not agree with his style of coaching or lack there of, but it works most of the time. As long as the threes are falling, they'll continue to roll. Heaven help them when that well is dry. P.S. put Nolan Smith on another team with a different style, and he's a top 5 player in the country.

West Virginia is what happens when a bunch of great athletes are guided in the right direction by a guy that knows a thing or two about egos. Bob Huggins know how to manage guys, and get a lot out of them. He may not be the greatest coach, but he's a great manager and he knows the game as well as anyone. Guys want to play for him because if they play hard, the keys are theirs'.

Result: I just want Duke to lose, and Casey Mitchell get a little playing time maybe have an impact. WVU wins 65-54

Friday Top 5 w/ special bonus!

I put the iPod on shuffle on the drive home. Boy, I have got some really terrible stuff on that thing. There is, however, some pretty good stuff. 40 in one hand, phone in the other, and my knee as the co-pilot. Yep, I'm that guy those commercials warned you about. Here's the top 5 booze cruise songs:
5.


4.


3.


2.


1.

Friday Fact from Dwight!

"Fact: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby."

Sports Desk

The new and improved Sports Desk

School work means blog time. Reading about Charcot Shoulder has sucked all of the creativity out of this brain, so I'll talk about what I know a little about. In my opinion, this time of year is the peak of each and every sports year. Since I'm one of probably 2 or 3 that reads this shit, I should end it with that and be done. F that.

Hey, the Masters is next week, and I couldn't care less. I'm just looking forward to getting out of this place. Augusta is turning into shit show already. Traffic is is awful, especially on Broad St. in front of the booby bars. Hey Tiger. Ernie's been on fire. Winner. Next.

NBA basketball is becoming relevant as the preseason is coming to an end. Again, it looks to be a three horse race for the big trophy... The Lake Show, Lebron's team, and Jeff Van Gundy's brother's team that is. The Hawks will likely struggle if they draw Milwaukee in the first round, so I don't foresee good things in that that is Joe Johnson's farewell tour. That's right, hope for the best because Joe knows little, but he do know how to shoot for dat cash. See ya. The OKC Thunder may be a really gay team name, but they are getting better and better. In four years the Thunder, OKC not Marshall, will be the team to beat in the west... if they pay Durant. In 2014, the Thunder rolls....

The NCAA conference and national tournaments never disappoint, except some of our wallets with those dang upsets. I'm not gonna say much here because me and Gottlieb (Jew, I mean, friend of the blog) are gonna have a break down of the Final Four later this week. Know this, Joey's Bracket > Baraketology. Much better. With that being said, my health care plan is also awesomer, so hollar I guess.

And finally my baby, baseball returns. MLB's regular season is about to get underway, and the majority of you have already stopped caring. College baseball is about 20-30 games into the season. I would say something about UGA baseball, but what's the use? Braves baseball is something I get up for every year, yes boners. Trust that I will witness no less than 80% of the Braves this and every season. That's probably substantially more than Chipper will attend. That's my only dig, I promise. The wrong pitcher was let go this past off season, but that's neither here nor there now. The bullpen looks solid, and the front office might just be on to something with the Heyward kid. He may turn out OK. Geez, he is retarded big and fast and strong and good, so something has to go right, right? Come on Derek Lowe, show us why they paid you enough money to buy Haiti. Come on Melky Cabrera, make me forget you were a Yankee. Lastly, come on Chipper, stop it with the Hooters girls...they don't deserve all of the impregnations.

Zach Galvinizeackubooya

...or however you spell it. Here's a pretty funny skit from his SNL episode:

I blow kisses.

Friday was fun.

- My audition for the UGA vertical jump team didn't go so well. I cleared the meter easily, but the landing was not strong.

- I blew kisses at Bourbon, and I made some kid's night... I'm sure of it.

- I sent raps to Shane, but it turns out his number is not the same as my sister's cell phone number. Stacy and Shane look strikingly similar when you have blurry vision.

- Somehow, Keenan is still my friend after sending him voicemail after voicemail about "our song"... have no idea what that means.

- Vodka + pickle juice isn't that bad when you're looking for a shot, but adding Tabasco just doesn't work.

- Hey Boars Head, I like you.

- Sold on the fact that AASU was the right school for me. I would have never made it out of this place with more than an asshole liver.

Spring Break 2010 starts next Friday!

Vibe of Savannah: Chapter Two

Continued from an email sent today...

I forgot to mention that Savannah is breathtakingly beautiful. Since it is on the coast, there are a bunch of islands and the marsh kind of creeps around the entire town. I don’t think there is anywhere in Savannah where you are more than a ten minute ride to some body of water, be it a creek, river or the ocean. Savannah is also the first city of Georgia, meaning when they landed in Georgia and set it up as a colony, Savannah was the first place they landed and set up shop. Also, during the Civil War (people say that they call it “The War of Northern Aggression” down here, but I have never heard anyone call it that in a serious way) when Sherman set fire and pillaged everything in Atlanta and east, he stopped when he got to Savannah. Tour guides will say that he got to Savannah and said it was too beautiful to burn and presented Savannah to Abraham Lincoln as a Christmas present. The crap-load of cotton bales stockpiled here probably didn’t hurt to spare the city either. So like I was saying about the beauty….

Three of my favorite things to look at here are the coast, the trees and the old buildings. Since Savannah wasn’t burnt during the Civil War, there are a ton of really old buildings, which have been renovated, as I alluded to yesterday. Also, Savannah was one of the first “planned” cities in America, and the basic street design has stayed relatively similar to the way they were laid out way back when. So, there is a colonial vibe to certain parts of downtown. The other thing I love is the coastal views. The sunrises and sunsets just look so great on the water. It must go back to man’s primal needs to be near a source of water, but being around the water is just really calming. Since I live on an island, it is pretty difficult for me to go anywhere without driving over a bridge. Even though I have driven over these bridges thousands of times, I still take in the view, every single time. Tybee Island is probably my favorite place in the world. I told one of my friends that came down here to visit that if I won the lottery and could get a house anywhere, I would get one on Tybee. He said he would get a house somewhere exotic or in a big city, but I stuck to my guns, because I already know how much fun I will have on Tybee.

There is this poet from Georgia named Sidney Lanier and he wrote an awesome poem called “The Marshes of Glynn” that is just awesome. Glynn County is about an hour south of Savannah and the marshes are pretty much identical. http://www.bartleby.com/42/809.html check it out if you feel so inclined. The poem is basically about walking through the woods to the marsh and it just describes it so well…I think the poem acts as a metaphor comparing the struggles of life to that of a nature scene. I can let you read some paper I wrote on it, someday. The trees down here are mostly covered with Spanish Moss, which is this stuff that looks like a really old woman’s hair. It is really strange; it isn’t connected to the tree, but somehow, it accumulates on them. Someone smarter than me would be able to explain it better. When I was little, I used to put it on my head and pretend it was a wig. They are full of small bugs, so I learned that lesson the hard way. Anyway, the wooded areas are just awesome down here. The trees grow differently than the woods in Pennsylvania. The wooded areas are thicker because the trees don’t necessarily grow straight up, but rather, intertwine and snake around each other. It seems more like a jungle than the woods. That may be because we are closer to the tropics here. I have no idea.

I know that these words will not really do it any justice. Rather, these words are really just to whet your appetite until you come see for yourself.

The Vibe of Savannah

One of my friends from grade school through high school is trying to come down to Savannah to visit. I recommended that she come down for Beach Bum. Anyway, today in an email, she asked me what the "vibe" of Savannah was. I thought yall might be interested in what I wrote. Feel free to add anything in the comment section so that I can give her a better feel for what the true vibe of Savannah is.

What follows is my response:

Hmmm the Savannah Vibe. I asked my kids and I got: “It’s straight (meaning it is good)”…. “it’s different…like…you got different people from outta town and they come down here and they see the old buildings and the shops downtown and the beach and it is nice. Then you go to West Savannah or the projects and it’s not so nice.” Then I asked her if it seemed like two different cities and she said, “No, it’s one city…it just depends on where you are at.”

Now allow me to articulate it a little better.

There are a few different types of people that live in Savannah.

The Catholics: Half of the Irish people in the state of Georgia live in Savannah. These people are traditional Savannahians. A lot of my friends fit in this category. Our parents hung out together when they were young, our grandparents have known each other all their lives, and I would be willing to bet that our great grand parents were friends too. When I meet someone who is older and I introduce myself they often say, “Bunger…hmmm who is your daddy?” Then they will either tell me that they are friends with my dad or that their older or younger brother was friends with my dad. Also, since they were good Catholics and didn’t use contraception, a lot of my friends’ parents grew up with like 7 or 8 siblings. I make fun of my friends a lot for the way they all dress the same. Plain or stripped Ralph Lauren shirts are boss. They all have dressed this way since 6^th grade and I don’t think they will stop until the funeral home director gets a chance to dress them. Sadly, I used to feel classy when I would wear polo shirts back home, here, I feel like I am putting a uniform on. Everyone likes to drink. It seems like it at least. My brother likes to talk about this saying he saw in a souvenir shop that said, “In Atlanta, they ask you where you are from. In Charleston, they ask you who you grandfather was. In Savannah, they ask you what you drink.” And when I say everyone likes to drink, I don’t just mean high school kids to college kids and young adults…but also real adults…and kinda old adults…and really old adults. I guess what we would call these people back home would be "preppy."

The Beach Bum: very laid back and accepting party atmosphere…some self proclaimed “Tybee Low-Lifes.” In the summer, there are a lot of Georgia and South Carolina crackers who make Tybee their vacation destination and that just adds to the entertainment. Don’t think Tybee hasn’t captured the imagination of Hollywood types either though. Sandra Bulloch owns a house here, Al Rocker has been on vacation here…Johnny Depp I think… I don’t really know. But our biggest claim to fame is General/President Andrew Jackson retired here and you can still see his lifelike corpse hobbling from bar to bar. If you are lucky, he might pee on you accidentally (long story, I will tell you at another time).

The Hood: No one really knows anything about this aspect of Savannah, aside from those that live in the hood. I have come close to learning some things about this demographic of Savannah; however, I think it will take a while to really understand it. I am still working on figuring it out. When I do, I will let you know. However, the hood accounts for a large part of Savannah in land size, population and popular culture (see the rappers Camouflage and Big Boi).

The Tourist: This would be you. I am just kidding…not really though. I will sneak you in the backdoor. They are all over the place, all year long. Everyone acts like they hate them, even though they are the reason that Savannah is so nice…from them pumping all kinds of money into the local economy. They are easily spotted based on their fanny packs, and Tybee Island/Savannah t-shirts. They also will be congregating in front of Paula Deen's The Lady and Sons restaurant, because they are idiots.

The SCADster: The Savannah College of Art and Design is one of the most prestigious art schools on the East Coast…after RISD, but before a lot of others. It cost a buttload to go to, so most of them are rich kids. There are some similarities to The Tourist. Both are not well liked by the locals. Both pump tons of money into the local economy. The SCADster is slightly easier to point out, due to their pink hair and/or skinny jeans…and you should see the girls. Basically they are hipsters…and all over the place. I have met some cool people from SCAD…but this isn’t about that…this is about generalizations and stereotypes. The two things that SCAD really has going for itself, in my book, is that they buy old buildings and renovate them and do a really good job. Their renovation program is one of the best in the country, and thus Savannah has some of the best renovations of buildings as old as the 1700s. Also, a lot of the artists stay in Savannah after they graduate…so the town has some culture. The second thing they are really good for is: each spring they host the SCAD Graduation Concert at Forsyth Park. One of my favorite days of the year. There is no open container law in Savannah, so you are alloweed to get "to go" cups from bars and walk around with your drink, while you are in between bars. This lack of an open container law also comes in handy at the SCAD Concert because you just pack a cooler and go sit in the park and hang out. It is absolutley amazing.

There are some other types…but these are the ones I am most familiar with.

Tonight I will be in the fourth row of the Johnny Mercer Theatre to see one of my favorite bands of all time: Wilco.

Closet Freaks

Sexting just isn't enough these days. Nowadays, the "it" thing for celebrities and athletes alike is to go around banging everything that moves. Well, that's probably nothing new, but it is def the hot topic. Tiger is still making heads turn because of boom boom powing every snow bunny he could get his hands on. America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock, helping rich/bored housewives everywhere feel entitled, finds her wholesome husband slamming this piece of work. She's a white supremacist, so I'm sure many of you will be swayed in favor of the lil' cutie! JK! Yes sir, Jesse James. Not to be mistaken with Uncle Jesse, JJ has really done something. I was unaware that this guy still existed. Known for making motorcycles, Jesse has really, umm made some motorcycles. You fool, you cheated on the woman who gave us Speed AND Speed 2! I hate you. Sandra, you've already wasted your Oprah visit for this year. You'll have to wait til '11.

Back to everyone's favorite dumpster fire of a golfer. Oh, you were thinking JD? Daly can't even get laid; he just gets his ass whooped by the women in his life. The whole Tiger thing is just plain stupid. Both ESPN and Golf Channel were granted 5 min. interviews with the busy body. He said nothing. Nothing EXCEPT that he went away from his core, Buddhist values. Stanford education, Ari Fleisher and all you guys can come up with is the religion card? Tiger was/is/will always be a nerd, a nerd who is really good at golf. Golf made him rich, and then chickenheads started paying attention to him. So he had sex with every single one of them. Now, our only hope to shut all this crap up is for him to light it up at Augusta. Let's just hope he doesn't celebrate by dropping his pants and sticking his D in the 18th hole. FORE!!!!!!!!!

Keep em straight, JD.

Top 5

I'm a bit rusty, so we'll have to see how this goes. I shaved my beard, and it's now a pretty decent 'stash. Today's top 5 is a celebration, a celebration of the pioneers who made the mustache rad. Without them, guys like me would just look like a creep.


5. Geraldo Rivera



















The "Fair & Balanced" mustache


4. Richard Petty



















The "If you ain't first, you're last" mustache; AKA the "Drive fast, take chances" mustache, the "Cracker" 'stash


3. Tom Selick



















The "Strong arm of the law" mustache; AKA the "Man with the baby" mustache, the "Midwest feel" mustache, the "Hop in, let's go for a ride" mustache... I could probably keep going.


2. Rollie Fingers


















The "Spitballer" mustache; AKA the "My last name is Fingers" mustache



1. Burt Reynolds



















The "Timeless" 'stash; AKA The "ticket to ride" mustache




Honorable Mention



















The "Real American" mustache; AKA the "Blondes have more fun!" mustache






















The "This racism is killing me" mustache

















The "Making momma proud" mustache

Only 364 days to go

I found this interesting webpage that tells you what day of the year the next few St. Patrick's Days will fall on. I had a lot of fun yesterday. I just wish that I had today off. I felt like I had a lot more good hours in me, when I had to call it a day at 3pm. Here is looking forward to 2012, if we survive the Mayan attack, when St. Patrick's Day will fall on a Saturday.

Forgot about C_F

Geez blog! I just can't do it. Every time I think I've made up my mind to move on, I come right back and fill your pages with quality material. I spent some time soul searching and drinking drinks with glow sticks in them. I think I have regained my funnyness (shut up word police), and it may be back to where it once was. Probably not.

There's been some changes to this blog as well as others from what I can tell. We've lost another one here at OITO. It's been fun, and we'll miss you. Weazle's been holding down the fort. You've been the rock on an otherwise shakey blog. I saw where I made a top ten on OIA a while back. I'm flattered. And Barstool has become a reg. lady killer. Remember that time we hung/hanged? out at Bourbon?

There will be no havoc wreaked by this guy on Wednesday. It's official, I have become an adult. I thought I would never say this, but school > than the best day ever in the history of days. My all time streak of making it to a bar St. Patrick's Day night ends at 1... last year. I think...


Pretty sure neither of us has any idea what is going on right there...for different reasons. Sorry about being a close talker, bro. Your acceptance of that apology is accepted.

Couple things sure to go right on Wednesday:

1. Shane will mention his level of drunkeness.
2. Mitch will wear those quilt looking pants straight outta the Brooks Bros. catalog.
3. Hicks will pinpoint the location of Shane, seek, and attempt to dismantle. That is, if Shane doesn't get to Hicks first.
4. Snuffy will have an OK time.

Hey Carrel_Fan, how many posts does that make it for '10?


Two. Don't call it a comeback...seriously don't. It's too soon.

Things I didn't know about Murray

Yesterday I learned somethings about Sugar Shane Murazatazz, my fellow Brocase Aquarium drinker, while surfing the blogosphere. I thought it may be best to document them so that I do not soon forget.

1. Your birthday is March 11th

2. You are good at basketball...(could of fooled me with that hideous one handed shot).

3. You sell 401k plans. I thought you managed them. I didn't even know you could sell them.

4. Your wit is uncanny. I have seen your wit canned before. Sometimes, your brain works faster than your idiot mouth can work, so you just mutter nonsense. Or, your mouth is too fast for your idiot brain.

5. Apparently you have a shit load of other friends. You could have told me that and given me a few nights off.

6. You have an addiction to diet pills.

In closing, all I would like to say is...

GRUESOME TWOSOME!!!!!!

Things You Didn't Know About P Lowe

He is a dude.

He used to put golf videos on this blog.

He has an unhealthy affinity for the place he went to high school.

The long, intricate plan I had to get him off OITO worked.

He used to be really tiny for his age....now, not so much, but he still looks tiny to me.

He dressed up like a dragon for a couple years in a row for All Hollow's Eve.

He was once an emerging DJ on the Tybee Island club scene.

He used to work at The Breakfast Club.

I think him and Donnie are friends...or maybe they used to hang out...I don't know. I remember something being said about something to the effect that they are friends or they used to hang out....I don't know.

He does the DJ's job at "The Little Bungalow on 52nd Street" rather often.

He likes The Allman Brothers.

I've known P Lowe longer than most people I know from Savannah (family excluded).

He is not particularly good at holding his liquor.

P Lowe has been there for me in a pinch before, and I am sure he would be there for me again, if I ever needed something.

Have a great birthday P Lowe...Drinks on Rick tonight!

...

New Blog

Cadet "Bear" Williams started his own blog: Bear Necessities.

One Month!

Why We Should Pull for Bama this Coming Year

I do not like Alabama's football team, but I do respect their coach because he is a great coach. All us dawg fans should be pulling for Alabama this coming season; well at least in two games. We need Alabama to beat Florida when they travel to Bama, and we need them to win when they travel to Tennessee. We need to take care of business ourselves, but every SEC loss our foes in the east receive helps our chances of getting back to Atlanta in December.

We Win!

Bring on the Tournament!

Donnie and Cadet Williams Debate

Controversial Valentine's Day Ad

It's not so much controversial to the people who actually know these two but maybe for the two themselves, but when I first saw this I took this as a gay couple who are trying to sponsor JCPenny jewelry. Any thoughts?

I Hate Winter, but I love it...

when girls wear boots.

I think Barstool might have already mentioned this on OIA, but everyday on campus thousands of girls are wearing boots and it is awesome. Have a nice day.

2010 Mardi Gras on Tybee

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x

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Yeah I was bored.

I like to be at here in the next Two Weeks

With the Saints winning the Superbowl and Mardi Gras starting next week, New Orleans is going to be rocking and rolling. It is sad that football season is officially over and we have to wait 7 more months for it to start. We do have some things to look foward to: 37 more to St. Patrick's Day, March Madness, baseball season, St. Patrick's Day on Tybee, Beach Bum, and summer.

It is often said, but rarely done.

I've read "this should probably be its own post, but..." a few times. As I was responding to something on OIA, I felt the urge to type the phrase above, but then thought, "What they hey, let's make it its own post." I was responding to Donnie's question about basketball being the more popular sport amongst Savannah high schoolers. The response was going to read as follows:

Basketball seems to be the most popular sport. However, calling it the most popular sport is really a default title. At the two schools I have worked in, I've observed that most students don't really care about how the teams are doing. You seem to hear more about the team that is doing best in Savannah (Groves) amongst students. I would imagine that if your school was the best, the student body would rally behind it more. However, at SCJ at the beginning of the year, their football team was like 5-0 and people still didn't really give a hoot. I grew up in an area with a lot of young meatheads who lived for football and worked out hard all year round. Every year there was one or two guys going to decent D1 programs (Chad Henne Michigan, Jeff Smoker Michigan State, Ryan Purvis BC, Perry Patterson Syracuse, even Kerry Collins PSU) I am not sure which extreme is better, the apathetic savannah football player/student body or the schools back home where kids get roided out and 3 months after graduation deal with post-high school football withdrawal and depression. You would think with a town like Savannah, being what I would assume to be the second largest city in Georgia, you would get more D1 prospects in football and basketball.

There are a lot of things that would need to happen to bring the best athletes in Savannah out of the woodworks and onto the court and/or field. However, I am a believer in the survival of the fittest. If a kid isn't going to play football or basketball because their team isn't any good, or they can't make the grades, or they are worried about losing in the playoffs, he probably doesn't have what it takes to last through the first month of preseason work outs at the college level. Pure athletic ability will get you somewhere in life (not necessarily somewhere good), but a good work ethic, a good attitude, due-diligence, wear withal, and good decision making gets you somewhere that everyone else wishes they were.

I know this post doesn't really offer any solutions; but, even if it did, it wouldn't change anything because, no one who makes these decisions reads our blogs. I think that may be a good thing to keep in mind.

I would like to close this post with a video. For your viewing pleasure, my favorite basketball player of all time: Scottie Pippen.

Mixin it Up alil bit!!

Florida's recruiting class is pretty good.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/recruiting/news/story?id=4882791

Enemy of the State

Longtime UGA recruit commit, Da' Rick Rogers, changed his mind and signed with the Vols. D-bag.

Meet Rick's Newest Foe!

Meet Marcus Lattimore Lattimore, a five star recruit out of Spartanburg, SC. He is also the number 1 running back in this years recruiting class, according to Rivals. He was recruited by Alabama, Georgia, Auburn, SC, Penn State, ect. Today, he chose SC over Auburn. Now, why would someone of that caliber want to choose two crappy schools as their final two schools, and then pick the shittier one. I know, I know: playing time. Well Marcus, just remember that Slic owns Columbia, and Hamilton, Dent, Dowtin, Gamble, Rambo, and CTG will be hunting for you.

My Favourite News Report Ever

See what I did there? Up there, in the title, I spelled "favorite" all Britishy and shit. Get it? Cuz the report is from the BBC. And they are British. I think that's what one of the "b"s stands for. I don't know what the other "b" stands for. Boobs. Maybe. That's what I would use it for. Have you ever noticed how an upper case B looks like a pair of sideways boobs? and the lower case ones look like one sideways boob. I wonder what that other boob is doing. Maybe it got cut off in a tragic refrigerator door slamming incident. Maybe it never grew in. I probably will never find out. Cuz you can't just walk up to someone with one boob and say "Hey, what the fuck happened." It would be rude. And maybe you shouldn't go off swearing like that to people you just met. Shame on you. Now what were we talking about? Oh yea, boobs.

This might be better than the new Robin Hood

Those Greedy Bastards

So I just shelled out 60 bucks for the new FIFA, only to learn that they are releasing two versions of it this year: the one I already have, and a World Cup Edition, which is also 60 bucks.

I'm probably going to get it.

Orgeron Loves a good hummer

He just makes me laugh.

The Onion Reports...

...Ok...for realisies...this is from the part of The Onion that doesn't make shit up. Well, the peoples reactions are made up. But the story is true. I could have checked it out on a more credible source; but, The Onion is good enough for me.

An All-White Basketball League in Augusta, Georgia...too bad the "WNBA" is already taken...I know P Lowe likes to post racist things, but; I can't condone this.

Funny Pic

JJH4! 25! Happy Birthday!

25 years ago our dear friend Jack was born. The world did not know what it was in for. Anyways, Jack is a great guy, and the biggest BC and UGA fan you will ever meet. I am glad to call him my friend.

Things to know:

1) Was the Brigade Executive Officer under the Schwarz Administration.

2) Likes Kamikaze shots

3) Still tearing it up in Athens: notable locations to find Jack: Bourbon Street, Firehouse, Sanford Stadium, and Stevie B's

4) Will eventually be BC head football coach, UGA Offensive Coordinator, Scott Van Pelt's on air assistance, or in jail for physically abusing Kevin.

5) Hates GT

6) Is one half of the Famous Dawg Duo

7) Is BFF with Todd

On behalf on OITO, we salute you and wish you a Happy Birthday Jack

WOW...this is definitely cooler than the last post....

...but it makes me never want to quit smoking.

Not nearly as good...

...as the inspirational speech clip from before. It'll do.

Mike Slips Up

I hope...

...that Marc Streitenfeld is buddies with Bryan Adams. For Donnie's sake, at least.

I'm with Coco

I don't really know what to say about how ridiculous NBC is with the whole switcheroo they are pulling by trying to knock Conan back to 12:05 because no one is watching Leno at 10. I am actually pretty pissed because every night I watch Conan's monologue and "skit set" which follows the first commercial break, then depending on the guest, go to bed or stay up and watch. I was already pushing my requiered sleep time by staying up until midnight or so. There is no way I should be staying up until 12:30 or 1:00 because the heads of NBC are a bunch of assholes. Luckily, Conan feels my pain, and he released a statement saying that he would not move "The Tonight Show" to midnight because it would tarnish the name of the historic long running show. I think that that could be part of it. Mostly, I think he doesn't want to keep getting jerked around. If Conan came on at 7:00 on CSPAN, I would still watch him (just probably on DVR). Hopefully, Fox will pick him up and fuck over NBC like they deserved to be fucked over.

The Jimmy Kimmel Show is amazing as well. Recently, Leno brought Jimmy Kimmel on his show via 10 at 10...possibly to try to give Kimmel some shit, since Kimmel did an entire show in the character of Leno. Someone definitely ended up getting some shit.

Typical Vol Fan...

Ya'll Can keep Him

If Kirby Smart wants to stay Tuscaloosa and hang out with Fender, then Alabama can keep him. We dont want him.

Slimfit

Growing up in majestic Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, I had a close group of friends that were like family. Our parents were friends, our siblings were friends with each other and we were friends with each others' siblings. We went on vacations together, and it was really nice. One of my best friends since kindergarten's older brother just released his bands second album. They are called Slimfit, and they are one of my favorite bands, and I am pretty sure that they would still be one of my favorite bands if I did not grow up with one of the guys in the band. Their style of music is right up my alley, and I know that Anymouse has a certain propensity for anything of the alt-country persuasion. Here is a video some kind folks at some YouTube station made of them playing a new song off of the new album. I haven't heard the majority of the album but my friend said he was going to send me a copy, but that may take a while so I may just pay what I want and download it off the internet. Enjoy! P.S. My buddy, Joey, is the guy singing in the video.

Good Luck Rennie

Good luck in the NFL! You will be missed!

I hope we get a DC soon.

Im glad Evans graduated.

Congrats to Jack on getting into grad school.

Not only...

...does Will Smith's son have more money than all of us combined, he is probably capable of beating us all up now too....if only Uncle Carlton could see him now.

Some F-My Life Stories

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

So long 2009, Hello 2010

The Highs of 2009:
Vegas
St. Patrick's Day
Every trip to Athens
Every Weekend in the Summer
OIA Bowl Victory
A.J. Green, Washaun Ealey, Biccardi Rambo, and Rennie Curran
Atl Weekend @ Casa de Rick and Patrick
New House
Bourbon Street
Willie Getting Fired
Chris Hatcher gone
Beating GT and Auburn
Elin Woods becoming single and getting $500 mill
Bama Beauties Blog....just kidding
All my good Buddies
and the stuff I can't remember

The Lows
Joe Cox
Willie Martinez
Loss to UT, Fla, Kentucky, LSU, and Ok State
GSU football season
the Economy
Carrie Underwood getting engaged
Tiger Woods
South Park Season, besides the Whale Wars episode.
Final Season of Nip/Tuck

What to look Foward to in 2010
Throwing my cousin a bachelor party, congrats Beau.
St. Patrick's Day
Hopefully getting a real job
BC back to AAAAA
Summer Time
more Bourbon Street and Athens
life without Tebow
Aarron Murray and new DC
Bobby Cox's final season, he has done a hell of a job.
Coach Bunger leaving his beloved Atom Smashers and taking a job at the High
more Shenanigans

OITO Video of the Year

Video was not chosen democratically because I do not know how to put a poll on the blog. So it was sent to a committee, and they chose the video.

And the winner is:

Jack's video


OITO and the rest of the world send their congrats to Mr. Holland.

Top 5 Jokes of The Decade

Scaring People

In high school, I used to find places to hide, and then jump out at unsuspecting fellow scholars and shock and scare the shit out of them. Of course, it was always funnier for me than it was for them. But that is all that really matters. Barstool caught a glimpse at this form of physical comedy last night, and Shane is easily scared, and thus, one of my favorite targets. I laugh really hard after I scare someone.

Prank Phone Calls

The Jerky Boys and Crank Yankers made a career out of them, and they are just as fun for amateurs. You may be saying, "But Weazle, you were in high school and college for most of the decade." And I say to you, "Yes, prank phone calls were still fun as shit in high school" Nothing beats calling your friends' parents late at night and telling them they have won free vacations and things to that effect. Or inviting people to parties at other peoples' houses...when they weren't having parties. I wouldn't do it now...but it doesn't mean that I don't laugh about it still.
"How many push-ups can your brother do?"

Damon was the climax of a long running joke for the summer of 2001, by 2002 the joke, like all good jokes, had been ran into the ground. Here is the set up:

Someone who has seen the joke play out before: "Hey (insert name here), ask Pat how many push-ups his brother can do"

(Name inserted there): "Hey Pat, how many push ups can your brother do?"

Pat (option one): (aggressively) "OH YOUR REAL FUNNY, MY BROTHER DOESN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING ARMS"

Pat (option two): (timidly) "Ugh my brother doesn't have any arms"

Anyway...a lot of people were shocked to see my brother's two arms when they met him later on.

Funny Websites

The Onion

The internet surely picked up some steam this decade, and has allowed for people to find a quick joke, and no website has served that purpose better than the onion. It possess a consistently high level of humor that can not be matched by any other website on the internet, and if anyone knows of another website that can match up to it, please leave the link in the comment section below.

Viral Videos

Nothing has ruined more lives, and caused more joy in 1-3 minutes than the Star Wars kid. Others were just plain fun: that kid after the dentist, the landlord and being interviewed between two ferns...I would hyberlink them, but I am sure we have all seen them...and I don't feel like going through the process. After all, nothing shows other people how creative and funny you are like posting a video of someone else being creative and funny.

Honorable Mentions

Dicks and Toasters and Shane

Shane: I'm gonna stick my dick in something tonight
Scary: Yea...a toaster
Shane: I'm gonna stick your dick in a toaster
(complete silence)

You probably had to be there; and if you weren't, you missed one of the top comedic performances of the decade.

That's What She Said

It is so easy to do...everyone is doing it...it's not that hard...what an awkward position. Say what you want about it, but I've done it a thousand times, and it is still fun.


Songs About Telling a Lover That You Gave Her AIDS

I'm not one to toot my own horn...but toot toot. Just last weekend, someone approached me at a bar and said, "Didn't you sing a song about giving a girl AIDS at the old Shamrock's Bar?" I have done stand up a few times, and this is definitely the bit that sticks with people the longest...just like AIDS.

Funny Television Shows and Funny Movies
"Well, this is pretty important how did it end up in the honorable mentions?" Well asshole, funny tv shows and funny movies have been around forever...I'm looking for fresh things from the past decade.

Funny Things To Look Forward To:
Coming in the Next Decade

-Donnie's wife and kids
-Hologram comedians in your living room
-the apocalypse in 2012
-all of us losing (more) hair