A Day In The Life...

Welcome, friends, to a day in the life of Jesse Palmer. No it's not all protein shakes and good looks. This guy really has to work at being so perfect. We all know Jesse is the coolest, most talented, and best looking person to ever live, but do we really know the "real" Jesse Palmer? No, that is, not until now. Jesse gave the "Only in the Office" crew a candid look at his daily life. We are really grateful to him. It's not everyday that we simple-minded folk get to see how a real-life famous person lives. Well, brace yourselves because you are about to see how Jesse Palmer lives.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

11:30 AM - Jesse rolls out of bed after a long night of "mackin" on some chicks from the Jersey Shore. He runs his fingers through his hair, looks in the mirror, and then says "it's perfectly messy". He then shows his Kappa Alpha pledge class picture from his days at UF. "Those are my fuckin' bros."

11:45 AM - He puts on his Under Armor gear and heads outside for a quick workout. He does 250 sit-ups and 250 push-ups in his drive way so everyone driving by can see (yelling, "WHAT!!" after every rep)

12:15 PM - Eats 4 Power Bars and a protein shake. Then it's off to ESPN studios.

1:30 PM - Arrives @ ESPN, hits make-up. I know, you're asking yourself, Jesse Palmer needs make-up? Yes, it's true. At one point, Jesse is overheard saying, "You can touch the hair, if you let me motorboat." He is truely a craftsman.

2:15 PM - Walks on set and says, "Fuck rehearsing, I got this shit brotha." He takes a peek at a picture of Kirk Herbstreit and grunts loudly.

2:30 PM - Jesse absolutely dominates the host of College Football Live, Rece Davis, with his extensive football knowledge. For thirty minutes he is the smartest person on television, total domination. I mean, it ain't even close.

5:00 PM - Leaves the studios and heads straight to the GAP. He tries on some boot cut jeans and the new line of turtle necks. While paying for his items, he begins "mackin" on the 17 yr. old cashier. He says, "Hey, you got a sweet ass. Do you even know who I am?" The cashier responds, 'nope'. "I'm the Jesse Palmer, you're pretty lucky girl", says Jesse. Then the girl tells Jesse that her 8 yr. old sister is also named Jesse. Weird huh?

8:00 PM - The Bachelor is on, and Jesse screams, "I was a better looking bachelor than that douchebag." He then looks in the mirror and says, "fuckin right".

10:00 PM - Yaeger Bombs and Heinekens. He calls a few girls fuckin' skanks.

1:00 AM - Gives us a peace sign and tells us to keep it real, "brothas".

The End.