A white kid from Savannah's guide to Atlanta.

Sauers didn't have much input in this guide, but I know he's thinking about you -- not in a creepy way... well I guess it is possible.

We're all going to miss you Shane. You're probably going to be pretty overloaded with work for much of your time in Atlanta, but every once in a while remember to step back, take a deep breath, and enjoy yourself. Of course, don't take too deep of breath due to the smog, but you get me.



We can start south and work our way up to the fancy/boring parts of north Atlanta.

Shane, I'm going to be honest with you... the only time you should be in south Atlanta is when your heading Savannah to Atlanta on I75/85 or vice versa. That's right, unless Turner Field is your destinations, keep driving, well, unless you develop a pretty nasty crack habit -- not advised. There's no place in that area for tender-hearts like us. 

Downtown Atlanta is full of interesting people downtown. Underground Atlanta is cool if you ever need anything monogrammed or just wanna purchase some oversized white T's. We'll talk about some bars in a minute, but maybe the 2nd most entertaining place in all of Atlanta is Five Points. If you like lots of yelling, weird smells, aggressive pigeons, and trains then that's your stop. In all seriousness, I love sandwiches. And, the best place with the best sandwich is downtown at Reuben's Deli.

Midtown, Atlanta, where I lived and managed not to turn gay or into a Tech fan. I think I i was able to manage that much in part to not sticking around this area. Here's a few places are definitely worth it:

- Fox Bros. BBQ -- You've already been there but go again. Best Bloody Mary ever
- the Vortex -- Might be the strangest place to eat but the hamburgers are badass
- The Clermont Lounge - Where else can you see a mother/daughter stripper duo?

I go for the $1 PBR; I stay for the 60 year old strippers.

- Little Five Points -- free culture awaits

- Blind Willie's and Neighbors in the Virginia Highlands -- maybe the most normal bars in the area

Now for your area. Buckhead, which by your own admission, is where you probably stick around, and I can't blame you there. You can go ballin' at Phipps or Lenox Square, but remember where you came from. The Savannah Mall with their Dillard's, Target, and Bass Pro Shop did the best they could. There are probably close to 100+ bars and clubs in that area, and I've been drunk every time I've gone to any of them. My point: I can't really help you there.The Sweetwater Brewery is close by, so go there if the line at the Havana Club is too long.

Hey(!!!), if all else fails, you can go to Stone Mountain for a laser light show, but make sure you stop by Francoeur's parents' house after to TP it. And, you never know, the AFL might have saved up enough money from the 2011 season to afford another season of Georgia Force football in Gwinnett come 2012.

Joey: "Bro, one day we're like gonna tell stories about how we used to live downtown." Shane: "Yeaaaa."

Best Sunday Ever!

It doesn't matter if the Braves wear those goofy red jerseys today; no, it won't bother me a bit. GM Frank Wren some how pulled of another trade that should be leaving the other party and their fans scratching their heads. Just a little while ago, GMFW and the Braves acquired Michael Bourn -- one of the best lead-off hitters and THE BEST CF'er in baseball -- for 3 pitching prospects (none of them being Teheran, Minor, Vizcaino, or Delgado) and Jordan Schafer.

The Braves didn't have to give up any of their top young pitchers pitchers, which is exactly what they would have had to do to get Hunter Pence or Carlos Beltran. Victory. Schafer has had way to many opportunities to put it all together, but simply put: He can't hit.

Bourn is a good hitter and a true lead-off guy; something the Braves haven't had since Rafael Furcal. He is far and away the best CF'er they have had since Andruw Jones.

I just can't seem to wipe this smile off my face!

Bourn: "I"m fuckin' psyched to be a Brave, dog! Where the bitches with the titties?"

Here's some good news.

Here's some more good news.

Braves Blog

So all things considered, the Braves made it to the All Star Break in really good shape. 

Five great things:

- Johnny Venters and Craig Kimbrel are the best LH/RH combo coming out of the bullpen in the 8th and 9th. Period.

- Freddie Freeman is a freak. He's way out-performed any sort of expectations anyone could have had for him to this point.

- Hanson/Jurrjens/Hudson/Beachy -- I would put these 4 starting pitchers up against any lineup in baseball.

- Winning despite injuries and horrendous slumps. This might be the sign of a really good team or really good luck. 

- Guys like Heinske, Ross, Sherrill, O'Flaherty, and yeas, even Brooks Conrad -- they won't get near enough credit for coming in in tough spots and delivering more often than not.

1st Half MVP - Brian McCann

1st Half Donkey - Scott Proctor

A Tuesday fit for a recap

 I wake up and put my pants on just like any guy. After 2 cups of coffee, I'm feeling like this fella:



So, I'm out the door, and it's already 90 degrees. I'm sweating my ass off by the time I reach my car. It's early and I'm not much for stupid people, so I'd rather listen to a book on tape than Mike & Mike, but since I don't own many books or tapes, Juvenile would have to do.

Car -- parked. I now have to park in some crack ghetto neighborhood near school... I guess I could park in student parking, if I wanted to pay $275 for a parking pass that will come in handy for another week and a half. My building is in sight, but as I am walking past the brand new Cancer Research building something else catches my eye. And, apparently I caught his, but it didn't seem to ruffle the guys feathers; no, he continued to  look like a creep as he stood against the wall facing the building. I shake it off, but he was shaking off something too. And then, I see it: a stream of piss running between his legs. Hey buddy, "It may not be a going problem, instead, a growing problem." Hell of a start to the day.

I don't bring a lunch because I love going to the cafeteria and paying double the price for Chic Fil A and Firehouse. Turns out my teacher, who's the size of a tugboat, wanted to go right through lunch today. Lucky for me we've got a snack machine on our floor stocked with gum, Starbust, honeybuns, and Sun Chips. Sun Chips it is.

The best way to keep my attention is make me skip lunch and then keep me 30 minutes over the usual time class ends. If a career wasn't hanging in the balance, I may just tell them to suck it. Yeah, that would show them....

It was 6:30 when I realized I could drink wine for dinner. I just finished the "Charlie Gets Crippled" episode of Always Sunny, and I needed some food. Whenever I'm a little down, but still hungry, I turn to the one food that can cure any frown. Kid, I'm talking Greek food prepared by Mexicans in a mall food court. I'm talking Great Wraps gyro. He's the problem: you gotta go to the mall for one of these things. You know the little 4'3" sample ladies that throw those toothpicks with bourbon chicken at you as you pass? They just scream at you from behind their counters now. "You wann try thees chikhan?" No, thanks. (Louder and not asking this time) "You try thees chikhan" Damnit Su Chen, let me get my gyro. And I did.

You know how I know tomorrow's going to suck?

I gotta present my research to the faculty. Here's my poster:

 

Just based on the trailer, I'm putting this movie somewhere above Angels in the Outfield and Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch, but a notch or two below The Bad News Bears, Little Big League, and Major League. One of these movies, including Air Bud and Moneyball, is based on true events. You figure it out.

And....building those barriers right back up again.

Tosh.0
Tags: Tosh.0 Videos,Daniel Tosh,Web Redemption

Breaking Barriers

Folks, we witnessed history last night. With the 10th pick of the 2011 NBA Draft, the Sacremento Kings took Jimmer Fredette -- a white kid from Utah by way of New York. By selecting Jimmer or Jimma, depending upon what region you're from, the Kings will introduce the first ever white male in to professional basketball. We've heard all of the talk leading up to the draft... "Can one of those people really hang with the athletes in the NBA?"; "We need a white guy to squash these stereotypes! -- you know, the ones that say white people are only good at data entry and watching college football."

See, he can go between the legs just like the guys in the NBA.

It's obviously going to be tough. We aren't very good at sports that don't involve horses, golf clubs, or frisbees. But, as long as he doesn't play any defense and shoots more than he passes, I think he's got a chance to fit in nicely with the NBA game.

We tried to get in touch with Fredette to talk with him about all of this. Also, we wanted to ask him if the successes of T.J., his older brother, were motivating or frustrating at times. T.J. Fredette is a monster in the rap music industry, an industry that has long been dominated by white males like MC Shadow, House of Pain, Lil Wyte, Bubba Sparxxx, and Masi, but most of you knew that anyway. It must be hard (for Jimmer) to see his brother thrive, while he struggles through barriers -- the biggest being the color of his skin. :(

"Keep shooting pars, asshole!"

That's what Rory McIlroy said, in his best Roy McAvoy impression, to the rest of the field at Congressional. He absolutely dominated his competition, and what was even more impressive was doing so coming off of an awful final round showing at the Masters -- a major in which he lead almost every hole until Sunday. The guy is really talented, and now every sports channel -- TV and radio -- is killing us softly with talk of... "the next big thing", "Tiger 2.0", "who is this Tiger again?". Please, stop.

Professional golf and the word "interesting", in my eyes, just don't go together. Yesterday was a great performance by a great young golfer and nothing more. It's wasn't a "changing of the guard" or "golf can thrive without Tiger Woods" moment. But, ESPN and other sports outlets are giving a go at selling that. There are 3 PGA events that I watched, and by watch I mean turn the channel to and most likely fall asleep. Those tournaments are: the Players Championship, the Masters, and the Ryder Cup (every other year). As for the rest of these things like the John Deere Classic and the Justin Timberlake Open, you may as well put trained professional drivers in cars and have them drive around a circle because that's how cool and exciting a product you got.

I know I sound like a hater, but I do love golf -- playing golf. I can't take watching it being played or constant ramblings about it's future. Just not that important.

Let's be honest, the things that make you enjoy golf are: drinking, watching your buddy's bag fall off his cart as he takes off, taking 2 or 3 off the tee and yelling the word "FOUR!!!" each time, cart girls, trying hard but eventually falling out of golf carts, and every once in a while hitting a decent shot and saying, "If I could just do that more, I'd be pretty good."... It's not watching these goofballs:

Artest vs Kimmel

Queensbridge is in the building, but they must not have a zoo.



Lucky for those animals, they weren't on set with Gilbert Arenas or JR Smith 'cause animals would've been dealt with.

Bruins, kid! Bruins!

Come on, kid!  Timmy fahhgin' Tawmis, kid. Electric!

7 Seconds and Pulse of the Nation:

Here are a few of the Braves notable draftees from years past:

Urban Meyer  (13th round of 1982)  

This guy hit .182 over 2 seasons in Rookie ball. 

--

Randy Johnson   (1982 — 4th round)

The "Big Unit" didn't sign with the Braves back then. It would've been nice had he done so...

Forget all the wins -- think about how cool it would have been to see him make that bird explode with a  fastball, while in a Braves uni.

 --

 Mark Brunell  (1992  –  44th round)

Yeah, not that cool.

MIA NO MORE

That's right... I'm back. This time my absence was not my own doing. Any way you slice it, your hearts grew fonder, and I appreciate that. I'd like to say that tons of stuff has been going on in my life since May 10th, but I'd probably be lying. It's nice to know that some folks are up to the same ol', same ol', just as I am:

Miss you, Brandon...not you, Jeff

I'm in my final semester of "in the classroom" school stuff. Not much to say about school except our schedule and workload are complete jokes. I'm really looking forward to 8 weeks in Savannah. Not as excited about Warner Robins. 

Like I said earlier, this whole neglected blog thing wasn't my fault this time around. I didn't realize how good I had it when I lived with rich roommates. I went from watching every retarded channel you could think of on a 51in TV and researching all kinds of porn school-related topics with high-speed internet to refreshing the  NBA playoffs and Braves gamecasts 100 times a night on my cell phone. Damn, if that ain't roughing it, I don't know what is.

There have been some good weekends in Savannah, Tybee, AND Wilmington. Getting drunk, dancing, and going shirtless hasn't seemed to go out of style just yet, but what has changed, however, is my waist/stomach. Some would call me "fatish" or "rounder". Others may say that I'm, "Orne in waiting" or perhaps "pregnant". I say: Wendy's is good damnit, and Amstel Light's 95 calorie beer is a bit deceiving. 

No, I'm not going to make fun of him. Like Lebron, I had a decision to make. And, at this time, I would like to announce that I'm taking my talents to Louisville on Thursday. I don't know much about Kentucky. Wait, yeah I do, and that's all I need to know. Gates open at Churchill Downs at 11:30am on Saturday, and the first post time is 12:45pm. Now, does any one have a seersucker suit I can borrow? I promise that I'll napkin-up when I eat my Double Down.

Ohh, this guy is good.

From the guy that brought us this:



Now presents something else, this:

I got your sensitivity training right here!

So, the Braves pitching coach, Roger McDowell, said a couple of things that ruffled the feather of the hippies in San Francisco. Let's face it, you just can't talk about threesome, sticking things up peoples' butts, and knockin' teeth out guys' mouths like you could in the old days. He's since apologized for that stuff, but some feel that isn't enough. Folks are calling for suspensions, fines, sensitivity training, and even termination. I can't see the Braves firing McDowell, but this definitely doesn't jive with their squeaky clean image. But honestly, do you think sensitivity training is going to result in a break through for a guy that was one of the center pieces for MTV's Rock n Jock softball?

Roger w/ Anna Nicole Smith

Roger's the guy in the skirt

Green wig, who else?

Let's face it Braves, you kinda could have seen the writing on the wall. This guy has never taken himself too seriously (except when people yell at him, don't f*cking yell at him), and he was a bit of a "Manny being Manny" before Manny, as a player. Yeah, he said some bad stuff, but don't be shocked when you get a mean dog and it bites someone.


That was a Shane-esque metaphor. Self high-five.

Some more great news regarding the Braves. Thatta boy D. Lowe.

Draft

Live bloggin' up in this bitch. Things are about to get going. Just a couple of things we can expect:

- Mel, looking fresh.
- The term 'Lockout' will be used in upwards of 100x.
- Cecil Newton will say "God is good" or "have a blessed day"
- There will be a story about how  some player overcame a shoplifting problem or tourette's
- Jets fans will boo at something
- Falcons will take some kid from Mount Union who's got "great upside"

Away we go...

8:04
Goodell gets showered with boo's and responds "I got ya." It's going to be a great night.

8:06
That didn't take long. Cam to Carolina. I can imagine Jimmy Clausen's reaction was a little something like this:

"Whatttt?!?"

8:22
Couple more picks and players off the board. More importantly, the first potential A.J. Green suitor is on the clock. Lots of rumors about the Falcons moving up to take Green or Julio Jones. While I like the idea, it's going to cost Atlanta a whole bunch, but I'd say its worth it. And, as I type, Green to the Bengals. Who's going to throw the best WR in the draft the ball? Best of luck, A.J.

8:34
Falcons are on the clock. Traded up to get Julio. Apparently, they were hard at work to get to #4 to grab A.J., but the deal feel apart. Julio is a freak, but he's been hurt quite a bit. I hope he can put it together 'cause him across from Roddy White would be something special.  

9:00
Carrell's last episode; not Carrell_Fan's last blog.


9:07
Congrats, Jacksonville. You just got the fruitcake QB from Remember the Titans. 




9:20
Brett Favre's replacement (version 4.0) has been drafted. For the record, Chris Rix's intangibles > Christian Ponder's intangibles.

9:31
Hawks 71, Magic 59 w/ 9 to go in the 4th


10:03
the Office: too sad. In other news, Hawks win, Hawks win. The Dwight-out worked. The Draft is boogying right along. According to Gruden, the top 18 picks will all be All Pros next year...




10:30
Rather subdued. Gruden still has high praise for every single pick, which is pretty boring. Mel hasn't blown a gasket yet with his board being in shambles. Berman is just bored. We need Michael Irvin to livin' up the place (as a USA, USA chant breaks out)...

11:00
Now it's a party. No one has any idea what is going on right now. I'm 9 beers in, so I'm right on their level.

11:18
Mark Ingram is a nice story. I don't think he'll be the elite back that NO is looking for, so if the NFL career doesn't pan out, something tells me that Ingram's dad will have a money making plan or two...

11:35
The Packers and that raps up the 1st round. I don't mean to sound like a homer, but the teams that select Durham and Dent are getting really good players. In closing, Georgia State may have a player drafted before Tech.


See Ya!

One More

I have one last practical on Thursday. It will be the last one I will ever have to do, and it's going to be a doozy. Is that how you spell doozy? I took a final today, and it went A O K. The champagne is still on ice, but there's hope for me yet.

Bro's, Brah's, and Sister Golden Hairs...

Producer: Long time Grateful Dead guitar tech, Sonny "Sunshine" Smith, was quoted as saying, "Let's all just chill, man. What's all the hate for anyways? It's like, for the music, so why can't the Panic and Phish fans just like, get along?"

In this installment of OITO's "Behind the Music", we'll take a deeper look in to the rivalry that some people call "weak sauce" and "dangerous to the scene". We will dive in to the the two fanbases that get along like oil and water, like people and sharks, like soap and hippies. Welcome to the world of...

"Spread Heads"

"Phish Head"

v.






Let's start the debate. And here to help are 2 fans, one from the Widespread Panic end and the other from the Phish fanbase. Pictured in the wizard outfit is, not Pete from the Adventures of Pete and Pete, rather, longtime Phish phanatic, Parker "Tweek" T. To the left, some WSP fans, but we'll talk to one in particular -- "Trapper". Joining us later will be a couple of special guests that will lend their points of view.

"Tweek": (Snnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiifffffffffffff) Thanks for meeting me in this alley, brah. Can we start by poppin' in "Hampton Comes Alive" and letting that play? I need to calm my nerves. Listen, Panic is chill, I guess, but those n00b faaaaans are tripping bro. Those guys are all like, 'Phish is nothin' but like drums solos and bass slaps.' And that's pretty gnarly, bro. I need to get my speed ball and then rage along with Trey and his face melting shredder hand. Feel me? They're like, fake or something...whatever 'cause I'm like, over it.  

Producer: You're over it? So, you're willing to make amends and coexist?

"Tweek": Whaaat? Hold on man 'cause Trey's melting shit.

Producer: We turn now to "Trapper". You can see a young, budding "Trapper" on the far left of the Panic fan picture above. That was one of his first "shows". He calls himself a "vet" now, and the road has, well, taken its toll. Here he is just just 3 years later...

 
"Trapper": Life is grand, brah. That's what I say. Panic gives me life, and that life is then absorbed back in to the music, so it's like a circle...like a circle of life music. Whooa, that's trippy! But like, Phish and those people aren't heady, man -- not enough substance in the their music. They just do drugs. I don't touch that stuff, man.

Producer: You don't take drugs? Seriously?

"Trapper": Nahh, I just smoke weed and eat molly. No drugs, man... I'm not stupid. Haha, I'm made this shirt, man. Check out this shirt...

It's like mean. That's like mean stuff, man. And, it doesn't even matter though 'cause like JB and the boys light fires and then like, put it out with Chilly Water.

Producer: Well, despite editing, this show is starting to come off the tracks really quick. So, we now look to the frontmen of Phish and WSP for some guidance. Phish's Trey Anastasio (sp?) and WSP's John Bell are here with us.

Trey & JB: (simultaneously) Weee oool weeee oll weeee wah weeen!!!!

Producer: Well, that was something.

 Trey: Beeedle be be beep..........bowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

JB: Beeeeeeoweeeeeeeen be be beeeeonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...Chilly water!!! (Drum solo)

(15 minutes later)

Producer:  I don't get it.

"Tweek", "Trapper", & some people we've never seen before:  Whoooooa! Righteous, man. I dig this fah sure.

Producer: A freak-out, wait sorry, a phreak-out was born right there. Not sure that any of what just happen benefits society, but it happened none the less. The rest of the world doesn't understand what is seen in WSP and Phish, but honestly, their fans are too stoned to care. 

This "jam" went on for hours and hours. Literally, it went on for roughly 4:30 hrs. The "Behind the Music" staff try to talk to both groups of fans to feel out the situation -- to get a sense of the tension level. Their response, "Huhhh?"

Now Batting...

 ...for the LA Dodgers: Jerry Sands. As far as America's concerned, Jerry is the best thing, okay maybe the 2nd best thing, to come out of Catawba College since Donna Youngblood's daughter. He ruled the baseball diamond; she ruled the CC Drama Club meetings.

Shot of the Day

Not sure what Dax Crum is, but I want some, kid.