OITO Video of the Year

Video was not chosen democratically because I do not know how to put a poll on the blog. So it was sent to a committee, and they chose the video.

And the winner is:

Jack's video


OITO and the rest of the world send their congrats to Mr. Holland.

Top 5 Jokes of The Decade

Scaring People

In high school, I used to find places to hide, and then jump out at unsuspecting fellow scholars and shock and scare the shit out of them. Of course, it was always funnier for me than it was for them. But that is all that really matters. Barstool caught a glimpse at this form of physical comedy last night, and Shane is easily scared, and thus, one of my favorite targets. I laugh really hard after I scare someone.

Prank Phone Calls

The Jerky Boys and Crank Yankers made a career out of them, and they are just as fun for amateurs. You may be saying, "But Weazle, you were in high school and college for most of the decade." And I say to you, "Yes, prank phone calls were still fun as shit in high school" Nothing beats calling your friends' parents late at night and telling them they have won free vacations and things to that effect. Or inviting people to parties at other peoples' houses...when they weren't having parties. I wouldn't do it now...but it doesn't mean that I don't laugh about it still.
"How many push-ups can your brother do?"

Damon was the climax of a long running joke for the summer of 2001, by 2002 the joke, like all good jokes, had been ran into the ground. Here is the set up:

Someone who has seen the joke play out before: "Hey (insert name here), ask Pat how many push-ups his brother can do"

(Name inserted there): "Hey Pat, how many push ups can your brother do?"

Pat (option one): (aggressively) "OH YOUR REAL FUNNY, MY BROTHER DOESN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING ARMS"

Pat (option two): (timidly) "Ugh my brother doesn't have any arms"

Anyway...a lot of people were shocked to see my brother's two arms when they met him later on.

Funny Websites

The Onion

The internet surely picked up some steam this decade, and has allowed for people to find a quick joke, and no website has served that purpose better than the onion. It possess a consistently high level of humor that can not be matched by any other website on the internet, and if anyone knows of another website that can match up to it, please leave the link in the comment section below.

Viral Videos

Nothing has ruined more lives, and caused more joy in 1-3 minutes than the Star Wars kid. Others were just plain fun: that kid after the dentist, the landlord and being interviewed between two ferns...I would hyberlink them, but I am sure we have all seen them...and I don't feel like going through the process. After all, nothing shows other people how creative and funny you are like posting a video of someone else being creative and funny.

Honorable Mentions

Dicks and Toasters and Shane

Shane: I'm gonna stick my dick in something tonight
Scary: Yea...a toaster
Shane: I'm gonna stick your dick in a toaster
(complete silence)

You probably had to be there; and if you weren't, you missed one of the top comedic performances of the decade.

That's What She Said

It is so easy to do...everyone is doing it...it's not that hard...what an awkward position. Say what you want about it, but I've done it a thousand times, and it is still fun.


Songs About Telling a Lover That You Gave Her AIDS

I'm not one to toot my own horn...but toot toot. Just last weekend, someone approached me at a bar and said, "Didn't you sing a song about giving a girl AIDS at the old Shamrock's Bar?" I have done stand up a few times, and this is definitely the bit that sticks with people the longest...just like AIDS.

Funny Television Shows and Funny Movies
"Well, this is pretty important how did it end up in the honorable mentions?" Well asshole, funny tv shows and funny movies have been around forever...I'm looking for fresh things from the past decade.

Funny Things To Look Forward To:
Coming in the Next Decade

-Donnie's wife and kids
-Hologram comedians in your living room
-the apocalypse in 2012
-all of us losing (more) hair

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all!

Also congrats to Cadet Tyler Crawford on his recent engagement.

Chappy Chaunakah

Hello Fiends (not a type-o),

It is officially Christmas. As myself and my father were enjoying a glass (or four) of Johnnie Walker Red (thanks Murray) and watching It's a Wonderful Life, I couldn't help but realize just how true the title of the film is. I am not typically the type of guy that buys into all of the hoopla that is a commercial and marketing field day, which is Christmas, but I still think it is a great time to truly appreciate all of the intangible things, meaning things you cannot touch, such as bromance and revelry...things you cannot touch, but know, without the shadow of a doubt, that their existence is real...things that all of us have in oodles. I am not going to make this long and drawn out because I don't think I posses the intellectual fortitude to continuously create complete sentences in this state of mind. Any who, I just want to take this time to show my appreciation to a bunch of guys that I did not grow up with, but nonetheless, have accepted me and my rambunctious life style, as one of their own. Although I will never have the warped love of BC that you all possess, or the fashion sense of a forty year old, I do have a great group of buddies...and that is something to hang my hat on. As the angel Clarence writes in It's a Wonderful Life, "No man is a failure who has friends", and based on that statement, I would say we are all far from failures...except for you, you know who you are. Now I must get to bed before Santa arrives.



Your Pal,
Bunger

Happy Birthday P-Mac

1) He can knock the shit out of a golf ball.

2) Born on the same day as Rick, his future roommate and best friend.

3) Really good with the ladies.

4) Has seen more of Rick's adventures in person than anyone else.

5) A good guy and a good friend.

Happy Birthday Big Dawg

Happy Birthday Slic

Some Interesting Facts:

1) He owns the keys to the city of Columbia, SC.

2) He hates all thing GT, UT, the Big 10, and SC; and that is not a bad thing.

3) He can make it rain in Bourbon Street.

4) Is part of the Dawg-Duo.

5) BFF with Jeff Owens and Rod Battle.

6) Born on the same day as P-Mac, his future roomate and Best friend.

Happy Birthday Big Dawg

Favorite UGA Games of the Decade

1) 2002 SEC Championship Game
2) 2007 UGA-FLa Game
3) 2005 SEC Championship Game
4) 2007 UGA-Auburn
5) 2001 UGA-Tennessee
6) 2002 UGA-Alabama
7) 2004 UGA-Fla
8) 2007 UGA-Alabama
9) 2009 UGA-Gt
10) 2002 UGA-Alabama
* excluded bowl games

Honorables: 2004 LSU, 2003 Tennessee, 2006 Auburn, 2008 LSU, 2001 GT, 2005 Tennessee

My Top 5 Favorite Movies of the Decade

1) The Departed


2) Gran Torino


3) Man on Fire


4) Gangs of New York


5) Superbad

Possible Invention

Flat Tire
The past few days I have a sensor in my truck that has went off that denotes the air pressure in my tires is low. I have checked them all and they seem to be fine, no worries Toyota, my gas pedal is not getting stuck either. In thinking about tires and air pressure, I began to think about air in tires itself. So I asked myself, what would be to best substitute for air in a tire. And I came up with an interesting idea...

Instead of filling up a tire with air, why not fill it with liquid. I know, I know, you're asking why? Here are my reasons why;

• Liquid is heavier; I know it may not be better on gas mileage, but it may be a good tool to help keep a car on the road. Distribute the weight between the 4 tires that come in contact with the road.
• Possible better shock absorption; I didn't pay attention much in physics but maybe the liquid would help with lightening the load on the shocks. Maybe?
• Flats; This was my only question. What would happen if you did get a nail or screw in your tire? What I would propose is if you filled the tire with a type of polymer or liquid that when it came in contact with air, it would solidify to the type of rubber that the tire is made out of. And even there was a leak in the tire, have it a different color so that you would be able to spot for repair.

These are just three bullets that I've quickly come up with. All pros I believe. Any thoughts?

*Patent pending*

J.D. The Movie

Rick's Boy, John Daly, is writing a new book, and plans on trying to make a movie out of it. All I could say is, best golf movie ever!

Potential Actors to play Daly:

1) Jack Black

2) Kevin James

3) Jonah Hill

Potential Actresses For Daly's 4 ex-wives:

1) Miley Cyrus

2) Rachel McAdams

3) Taylor Swift

4) Audrina

KP Chronicles

"Tom Foolery of JJH4"
Today's post in on the times of messing with JJ throughout the times that KP was thriving with the youth of SJS during the summer and weekends. JJ has always been an odd fellow who my brother and I found joy in seeing him in awkward situations. There are 3 such episodes in which I can fondly remember.

• Come To my Window;

This was one of the hot summer nights where we would late night visit to get JJ to come out so we can go hit on the Byerly girls down the street. It was me and my aforementioned cousin in the prior post michael. I'm guessing it was around midnight and we didn't wanna wake Liz so we climbed over the fence and snuck around back. We had to calm Chipper so he wouldn't wake up the whole neighborhood, and apparently we did a good job because JJ had no idea what was about to happen. It was they days when AOL IM'ing was reaching the height of it's career and JJ was deep into his computer. Wearing a t-shirt and those old kinda boxers that maybe he got from his grand dad. So, me and Michael tap on the window, nothing. Tap a little harder, jack looks around but goes back to typing what he likes about McCall to someone else. Finally, a third round of tapping, He looks up, starts screaming and falls into the closet, pulling down a few shirts on the way down. One of my proudest moments. I think he threw away Gdads boxers.

• What are you doing? It's 4 in the morning!

JJ was always weird about a few things. Eating at other people's houses, and sleeping at other people's houses. Now being that it was right down the road you would think JJ would be ok with sleeping over. But I guess not. One night we were down at my house watching a movie. May have been Rudy, or the mighty ducks, not sure. Well it started getting late, around 1100 tops and JJ fell asleep on the couch. My Brohan and I couldn't believe it. He's sleeping at someone's house!!! We knew that when he woke up he would freak out, leave and go stroll on his beach cruiser 5 houses down. So my brother and I decide to play a little trick on jackie-poo. We turn out the lights and the tv, make it completely dark. We wake em up and ask em, "What are you doing here, it's four in the morning." Faster than Usain Bolt he's out the front door to the side of the house where he usually finds his bike. (Little did he know that before we woke him up, we moved the bike to the other side of the house.) And you've all seen it. The look of JJ's face as if he's about to win or lose 100 dollars, when he puts his hands to his head going....."Ohhhhh boy!" That was a good one.

• What's your name sir? "Bryan Gray"

JJ also made a nice 5 hole golf course in his front yard. But being the man he was he would not settle for anything but the best. So one day we decide to take our hogs over to Fairway oaks with a few golf clubs and a putter. We cruise up beside live oak on bacon park's golf cart, ride all the way down to the par three by the woods, and walk up onto the fringe and start chippin onto the green. Before we started our escapade on the course we all agreed to keep a look out for the rangers in case one came up and we got in trouble. Well we had been up there for maybe 5 minutes, and without warning, Joe f*cking hauls ass back to the bikes, I didn't question his reasons and I took off right behind him. We hit the low gears on our bikes for a speedy get away and we start to look back, no Jack. I ask my brother what we are in a hurry for and he tells me there was a Marshall creeping up on us and he didn't know how JJ didn't see em? We get to the end of the road and finally JJ pulls up with a lackadaisicle(sp?) look on his face. "What happened?!" we asked JJ.
"Well he came up to me and told me not to come back and asked what my name was." JJ replied.
"Well what'd u say?"
"I said my name was Bryan Gray and I'll never come back again." Good one JJ, Burn.

Boxing Match in Statesboro

How it Started:

Cadet Williams made a statement that all sharks are scared of killer whales. Shane called him out. It lead to a friendly boxing match.

It Is What It Is

Directly cut and copied from Facebook messaging

Adam Showacker December 2 at 2:28pm

P Bunger here, in case the name threw you off. I will cut to the chase: I don't want to be a blogless blogger, now that Only in the Office has just about officially bit the dust. Joey hasn't contributed in months, shane is spread too thing between blogs, i didn't even know that andrew sauers was on the blog, and p lowe...well p lowe posts some nice videos from time to time, but the blog ain't much to be proud of. I was hoping to extend this olive branch to you, in hopes that you could make me a contributor to Only in America. I'm not gonna beg, because that ain't my style. However, I believe that I have a lot to offer, and I can hold my own with the other bloggers of OIA. My email is thegreatbungezze@aol.com and I look forward to your decision.

Sincerely,
John Patrick Bunger

Adam Showacker December 3 at 12:24pm
P.S.

Disregard that....it looks like there is some life left in OITO after all... Have a good day, and I am sure I'll see ya around this holiday season

I can't say that this was my proudest moment. However, I don't completely regret it. I basically felt like I was the last one fighting the good fight. I basically felt like I was blogging to myself; I felt like a solo golfer competing against a best ball foursome. However, in my darkest hour, Mr. Sauers came through like a beam of sunshine, and I recanted my request.

I'm not too concerned about getting kicked off of the blog because it would mean that Carrel_fan has been monitoring the blog, which I highly doubt. If I do get the boot, then I will survive. After all, I recently learned that you can comment on posts whether or not you are on a blog or not. Or, I could always launch "Only On My Computer."

I will now open the comment section to any and all challenges of character or blogsmanship, and answer any questions anyone may have; because, I believe that issues must dealt with head on in order to grow from them.

Back in the Days of KP

So I figured it's been awhile since I've posted on the blog and it seems the heat is turning up on the OIA v. OITO so I figured I'd post something on the good ol' times of KP that most of ya'll were not lucky enough to experiance, and those that were, were never sorely missed in the stompin grounds. So I'm starting a new segment called "Back in the Days of KP" (KP means Kensington Park. I figured ya'll mothatruckers use enough initials that it doesn't need explaining. But there are a few loose bolts on the OIA side." What I'm gonna try my hardest to do, is tell a story of something that happened that humored me while living in KP which mostly involved the Hollands, the Byerlys, me and my brother, and a few well known friends peppered in here and there. Should be fun and a curve ball from the normal bulljive that weazle or shane puts on here that usually gets shiv's panties in a wad. And who knows, I'll throw in a couple of stories from that era that doesn't really involve KP itself, but something that happened along that time in which we were kings of the KP, kinda like the glory days if you will. Plus, No one reads these blogs besides the people who are in one circle, so why not contribute something that is completely useless anyway.

"Yo! You know what time it iz?"

It was one of the days of summer in between 7th and 8th grade. Late July I believe when the sun was getting to be pretty hot and for some reason we did not get invited to go the German country club with the Byerlys. Probably because Jack got busted making out with middle byerly girl one night and then older byerly girl two nights later, but that's besides the point. Every day for lunch we would go to one of 6 places. McDonalds, Wendy's, Baldinos, all in medical arts center, or sometimes when we were ballsy we would ride on our bikes to either the BK lounge on waters and eisenhower or krystals or Subway on DeRenne and White bluff. Hardly ever Subway. In fact, as I remember, this is one of the only times I ever went to Subway. One, because I don't really like sub sandwhiches, and two, if I was going to eat a sub sandwhich, Subway blows. But I digress.

Back to the story; My two cousins are in town, Michael and Matthew. They are from Effingham and ellabell respectively and arent too familiar wit' deez parts. Regardless/irregardless, we walk over to hollands house and he decides he wants Subway. After minimal objection we decide to go. JJH pets his dog Chipper goodbye with a golf club and we are out.

Now, this stage of our lives we are purely bike riders. Seldom walk much unless little holland or littlest byerly are coming and don't have enough bikes. Jack was riding his beach cruiser that was a christmas gift that year I think. It was a dark color will silver shiney fenders. My cousins had my old P.O.S. and one of jack's sisters I believe. And I was riding my moms nice green performance bike that was pretty expensive for a 7th going on 8th grade tot. We strap up, roll out, and are on our way.

It may be a good 3 minute bike through little isreal til we get to busy abercorn. We didn't cross at the normal cross walk for what reason I'm not sure. But in crossing, we get to the middle of abercorn where krystals is located, and look across to where that shopping center is and see 5 guys on 4 bikes, color of skin does not matter. And JJH looks at me and goes, "Lets go around to derenne side." Obviously to steer clear of the fellows heading our direction. I agree and we cruise on over to derenne going against traffic, heading to subway. Now about the time we get in front of Captain D's our friendly fellows are cruising threw the parking lot of Captains D's and politely cut us off. We stop and exchange pleasantries in which one of the ringleaders ask. "Hey, yo, You know what time it iz?" Me and holland look at each others wrist to see that neither of us has a watch. We turn to see our two cousins shaking their heads, Nope, not a time piece on any of us.
"Sorry man, don't know what time it is."-me

"Time for you to get off yo BIKE!!!" says ringleader, in a rick james sort of an accent.

Im perplexed, stunned, and searching for air. Am I getting robbed of my bike, at 12 oclock in the day, in the middle of broad day light. ON DERENNE?!?! Yup. Sho wuz. Outnumbered, with suprise as their wildcard, and with our tails between our legs, we politely gave em our bikes. and they rode away. BUT WAIT!, heres the kicker! In my adrenaline staged duress, I run inside the captain D's to look for help. And what do I see. F*ck YEA! it's a cop in a uniform! Yes! for sure my luck is turning up and were gonna get em! I run up to em and said.

"SIR! SIR! There are some kids that just stole our bikes!!!"

And this is about the time where my excitement was crushed... he slowly turned to me, and saw the horror in my eyes, once i realized and the words that came out of his mouth..............

"Sorry buddy.....I'm just a CAT bus driver."

And he damn sure was. Had the CAT symbol on there and everything. It was kinda like someone taking all the easter eggs you've found, and jumping on them, breaking them all.

Well. That's the first story of Back in the Days of KP. I know it's a long read and probably the next few wont be as long. I just had to start off with something good. Or at least decent. And then if and when I get any followers, I'll start to taper off and get boring and repetitive. Kinda like my own OIA.

Just Kidding

Hey but PMac, while I got your attention...

Please consider putting us back on the 'blogs of interest.'

Not that I care -- 'cause this blog has kind of taken a dive as of late**-- it's just that when you remove us its a moral victory for Barstool. Just remember Hitler started small too. I believe the timeline went something like this. Failed attempt at a complete takeover, then censorship, then convincing the commander in chief (thats you in this case) to submit to his preferences.***

*It's been said before that Barstool kills puppies.
**Sorry Weazle. Its all relative. This blog used to be greatness, now its just mediocre.
*** Editor's Note: Probably not historically accurate.
**** P.S.-- Tiger Woods did not kill himself.

Toddler Stick Dick

This video explains why Rick is so strong...and so short.

Its Fun Running Over the Ramblin Wreck

360 yards rushing over the GT defense. Gotta love it. The offensive line dominated GT's defense.

Tech's Biggest Fan

Screw Georgia Tech. Go Dawgs

Yellow is the color of cowardness, and certain peoples skin.

Sunday Thoughts

Great Saturday...easily in my top five days...of last week.

1. Stick referred to himself as Stick; that was cool.

2. I found out the truth about Shane's inability to cut bread, can't wait to see it first hand.

3. I am about to finish my second to last paper as an undergrad. I am going to be happy as shit when I am finished writing my last one.

4. I did a good job of pacing myself and guiding my way through day drinking into night drinking. This is something I have struggled with in the past.

5. Rick didn't get taken down by his kryptonite (TIPD).

6. I didn't hit the ball. I think I might know what this is in reference to, but not quite sure.

7. If anyone thinks that The Simpsons has lost a step over the years, they need to catch an episode sometime. Their new episodes are pretty funny, not as excellent as the old ones, but definitely better than the majority of the South Parks this season.

8. Thanksgiving is next week. P Lowe and myself are excited about pecan pie, cus lets get serious...it is the best pie in the world, and in my top five dessert field (tiramisu, creme brule, cannolis, lemon bars)

9. While we are on the subject of Thanksgiving, I like Stove Top better than homemade stuffing

10. While we are on the subject of homemade goods, all a company would have to do to make whatever they are producing "homemade" is hire someone to live in their factory. I've been waiting for a chance to say that for a long time, probably a month or so, and it feels good to get that off of my chest.

11. If my Eagles lose tonight, I might stop watching football

12. My all time coaching record has improved to 2-0...looking to make it 4-0 this week.

13. It is going to be a whirlwind between now and New Years.

14. Oprah announced this week that she is retiring from her show in 2011, probably so she can prepare herself for the end of the world in 2012. Or, she has a plan to save the world, and it is underneath your seat, and everyone in the audience is getting one. I'm thinking it is homemade soap which is made in a factory where a worker "lives."

15. Ya gotta give my Eagles some props on their ability to draft: DeSean Jackson, LeSean McCoy, Jeremy Maclin. As I was typing this DeSean fumbled away a ten yard gain...straight from my lips to the devils ear.

16. I am tired of typing.

17. GRUESOME TWOSOME!!!!

Do I dare disturb the universe?

Today in school, I gave the youngsters a presentation on how to use Animoto...which is actually a pretty cool program, but it ain't free. The school has an account which I could use. Anyway, I am not sure if any of yall have read The Chocolate War...but it is one of my favorite books, and I've been doing a unit plan on the novel with my kids.... anyway...this is the video I made.

Can anyone confirm or deny this?

Rumor has it that Tybee is doing free parking from Thanksgiving to New Years Day...Is this true...is this something new?

Pure Awesomeness

One day, I feel certain, that I will deliver a rousing speech much like this one.

Stavenhagen's Food Pawn Shop with Steve Buscemi and Will Ferrell from Adam "Ghost Panther" McKay

ESPN Reporter Celebrity Death Match

Jenn Brown Vs. Erin Andrews
Who would win?

I'll give credit where credit is due. University of Florida has produced some good looking reporters.

Poke Her Face

I want to personally thank everyone that was at Donnie's this past weekend for ruining South Park before I got a chance to see it. I thought the best part of South Park was Cartman singing. I think it is high time for Trey and Matt to release an album of Cartman singing shit, cause it would be awesome. It would be easy as shit to make and it would make them even more money.

Here are some of my faves.













Now that his birthday is over I would like to say five terrible things about BabyBurg

5. He is mean to my friend Shane
4. He finds personal enjoyment in f-ing with people (thats actually pretty cool, who am I kidding)
3. He doesn't let me keep my burning cigarettes in his pocket any more
2. He says he wants to go drink on the beach late night and I get excited about going down there, then he changes his mind
1. He doesn't think that things which make life better are cool. He despises music. His top ten musical artist of all time list includes Weird Al. He doesn't like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. He made fun of Bob Dylan. I think most of this boils down to number four, but who knows. He also enjoys drowning kittens.

In other news...

This is what its like when blogs collide. John Patrick Holland and John Patrick Bunger were out on the prowl Halloween evening at Huc-A-Poos. I am very glad that he was there because I have a witness for the sweetest thing I said to someone in a while. We were looking for the hottest girl at the bar and decided to continue the search out on the deck. 90% of the merchants were in some sort of Halloween regalia. JPH was in an incredible Savannah yuppie costume. I was playing the part of myself from three years ago, coming back from the past to see what the future would be like. anyway....there were two guys standing by the stairs of the porch. One was wearing a shirt that was similar to what Cowherd was wearing in that picture with JJH4 and the other was wearing a tight hipster flannel.... Something was said which gave reason to shake hands with the gents...perhaps an introduction. As I was taking a step or two to shake the guy's hand I ask "What are you guys dressed up as? Douchebags?" They didn't find it as funny as I did, but every thing was smoothed over rather quickly. But they were d-bags. I'm gonna have to remember that one-liner for next year. Godspeed.

Better Late Than Never

I can honestly say that I am very lucky person. I have had the same best friend since I was born. Donnie and I have known each other since birth. Our families have always been good friends even before we were born. I do not consider D just my best friend, he is my BROTHER. I do not know how common it is for someone to stay best friends with someone since day one, but I am really glad we have been. Through all the years of my life I know that he has had and will have my back. He is just one hell of a guy.

Things about Don:

1) I know that if something happens to me and or my parent, I know my sister will be taken care of. We all know Donnie likes to joke around, but anyone messes with Erin, and my dad or I can't handle it; Hurricane Bell will be unleashed.

2) If I have not talk to Don and I am half way across the country and I need his help; he will be on the first flight out.

3) The Bell residence has always been a second home to me, and vice-versa with mine.

4) There has never been a more intense friendly rivalry than between him and I, whether it be video games, racquetball, ect. We both want to beat the piss out of each other; however, when its over its over. There is never any gloating or rubbing it in the others face.

5) Don is my back up best man in my wedding if my dad somehow is not capable of it, and he is also the Godfather to my first child.

Heres to you buddy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday Sweet D

Tomorrow is BellBurg's Boy's birthday. Since he is always there for all of us on our birthdays I thought it would be nice to say 10 things about him that are somewhat nice.

In no order other than numerical...

10. Like a real American, he likes to watch wrestling

9. He lives on Tybee and has never skimped on the hospitality that is somewhat forced on someone who lives near the beach

8. MDB3 loves the ladies, and some of the ladies can put up with him

7. He is a tall drink of water. This comes in handy when you are lost in a bar and trying to find your homies

6. He is smarter than he looks...except for when he wears glasses

5. Whatever you wanna say about the guy, you have to admit...the man has culture.

4. If you ever find yourself looking for something to do and there isn't a whole lot going on D Balls will drink with ya... a formidable opponent in the case race or other activities which involve drinking for the sole purpose of getting drunk...as long as you agree to end the night at the quarter with him...and sometimes if you pass out, he doesn't mind. He will just go to The Quarter without you. No hard feelings.

3. Some folks can talk to ya about sports, some can talk to ya about history, some can talk about weird shit...dballs can do it all. I'm not saying he knows what he's talking about, but the guy can act like he knows what he is talking about better than most people can. He can probably converse on issues which he has no idea about better than some people who actually do know what they are talking about. And Donnie really values a good education. It has been reported that he is attending school in Statesboro. It has been said that I was there to visit him once; however, no evidence exists to confirm nor deny such a rumor.

2. He comes from good stock. MomBerg + BellBerg= MDB3 x (dixie dog(r.i.p.)/ ozzie dog)

1. Donnie and Georgie were the first people I met in Savannah that I liked. When my cousin Daniel said he would send two of his friends over to pick me up, well lets just say I was a little worried about what Daniel's friends would be like....any way...it worked out well for most of us

A big toast to you Donnie

Pointless Blog

Enough of this blogging about semi-important things...here comes a pointless one

I just ate two Big Hardee Burgers. I wouldn't recommend it.

My feet hurt.

I am tired from Monday morning until Saturday morning...and I could usually go for a nap on the weekends.

Big K Diet Dew Drop soda is just as good if not better than Diet Mountain Dew

Paula Deen was on Conan last night. Next time I see her at Cancun I am going to give her my letter to give to Conan.




Phillies fans get down for their team

I was about to says omething somewhat important, but I will save it for another blog

Peace out bitches,
Weazle

LD gets big leagued by Nebraska Alaska

Saturday Night Live

So I decided that I need to stay in at least one night per weekend until I get my diploma, or at least until I finish my independent study course. I thought it would be a good opportunity, on my evening of reading, to take a break and do a good ole fashioned blog. It has been a long time since I've actually written something on here. Too often in today's fast paced world, folks just post videos or funny pictures; which is all good and fun, but after a significant drought of literature, I thought it would be a good time to make it rain.
Student teaching is going well. Well enough that I still want to be a teacher. It certainly sucks when some kid has a shit attitude, but there are a lot of kids that are awesome and I sincerely feel like my being there is beneficial to them as students and as people, for both of us. Student teaching is the most time consuming 12 hours of credit I have ever worked towards in college. Non-paid internships suck and are comparable to indentured servitude, except that I'm not getting a free ride across the Atlantic out of this.
Nip/tuck is easily the television show that I watch that is most obviously marketed straight to white trash America. Hey, it's a guilty pleasure and the show that I advertise least about watching. Considering that I watch Grey's Anatomy on the regular, that is saying something. The show is trash and I feel like I need to wash my clothes and take a shower after watching it.

The second episode of South Park was definitely funnier than the first one was.

I enjoyed watching the Georgia game today, which is the first time i've said that this season. I know that it was against Vanderbilt, but I think it was good for this group of guys to see what they would look like if they played well. I'm just gonna focus on the positive right now, and let yall figure out who to fire....cause im sure that Georgia's President and A.D. check the blogosphere on the reg to see what the fanalysts think. I think I just coined a phrase....

Always Sunny has been right on point all season long, and I couldn't ask for anything more. Conan and Colbert are always a nice night cap.

A lot has been said over the years about my over-stamped television dance card...so i thought i would take a moment and go through my DVR and let yall know what the weazle watches when...(I am pretty sick of reading The House of Mirth for my class)

Sunday: The Simpsons(7), Curb Your Enthusiasm(9), Bored to Death(6), Mad Men(9.5), Californication (8.5)

Monday: Heroes (7.3), How I Met Your Mother (7), Accidentally on Purpose (5), Two and a Half Men (5), The Big Bang Theory (5.3)

Tuesday: Sons of Anarchy (9.5)

Wednesday: Modern Family (8), Glee (7.5), South Park (6-10 hard to average it), Nip/Tuck (3)

Thursday : Community (7), Parks and Recreation (8.7), Grey's Anatomy (8-9), The Office (7.8), 30 Rock (9), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (10)

I actually deleted Saturday Night Live from my dvr last week because the show is humorless. The most perplexing thing about SNL is trying to figure out who is to blame for this shows rapid decline over the past couple of years. It may have started with casting, when they decided to get the kid who wasn't funny on "All That" to be not funny on "SNL"...you could blame the writer's because there are a lot of people on the cast of SNL who are funny on other shows and in movies...or you could blame the cast members themselves because they suck...and andy sandberg definitely sucks.

This post has probably been as entertaining as a recent Saturday Night Live...

In conclusion, as I sit here at my computer bleeding my heart out onto this blog, I can't help but think what used to be, back in the heyday of "Only in the Office"...I feel like I am on a sinking ship, and possibly my addition to the blog was Only in the Office's shark jumping moment. Haven't heard much from Carrel Fan. Has the captain jumped ship? DBalls bailed out. Sauers is like the creepy person who has one of those mirrors that looks like a mirror in the hallway but in actuality there is someone on the other side of the mirror staring at you from their room, which they never venture out of. Murray may have the DBalls Curse of being spread too thin in between blogs. And last but definitely not least, P Lowe is still fighting the good fight, and it seems like the golf posts have died down a lot, which may be the only thing keeping me with the blog.

I would ask the question myself...but I think I would rather let Ms. Cole ask it.....

For JJH4

Free Concert

This Thursday at the Sentient Bean Coffee House (I believe it is the one at the south end of Forsyth Park next to Brighter Day) The Two Man Gentlemen Band will be performing at 8 o'clock...they are a pretty awesome act and I can't believe they are playing at a coffee house and for free and in Savannah. I will be there, probably with some airplane bottles to Irish up my coffee, you should check it out if you feel like it.

Highlight at 3:06-4:07

What Shane Will Be Doing In the Wee Hours of Pirate Fest

Pirate Fest Predictions

Argh me matties, tis another year round the sparkling orb dey call the sun and dat can only mean one ting....Pirate Fest Oh Nine, All Mine.... What be in dee stars for Pirate Fest 09? Leave ye predictions here.

this be what i be doing to any scallywag dat tries to mess with me treasure...

they'll be waking up in davey jones' locker....

This could be me year to win the wenches contests, ye know i been robbed in dee past so dey better make it right dis year

Fast Food Advertisement

A Thought on Notre Dame

Even though Notre Dame won yesterday, I still think this is going to be Charlie Weis final year as Notre Dame's head coach. I would like to see Urban Meyer take the job, but I doubt he will. He has got a nice thing going at Fla. So here is my list of possible coaches to take over Notre Dame's head coaching position:
1) Brian Kelly - Cincinnati
2) Chris Petersen - Boise State
3) Kirk Ferentz - Iowa

Thank God for These Two Guys

I hope both of them stay all four years.

Not only is A.J. Green a badass wide receiver, but he can also block field goals.

King and Samuel need to learn how to hold on to the ball. 3 fumbles in two games, and two of them leading to the opponent scoring is not going to cut it.

BC 5-0.

Thursday Night Thoughts

I guess no one wants to talk about Bobby Cox retiring. I thought for sure when I logged on that someone would have said something by now.

Bobby Cox has been a staple in my career as a fan, from watching every game during the summer as a child until now. One of my earliest memories of professional sports was getting his autograph at Fulton County Stadium during batting practice. He is also one of the only figures in sports whose autograph I have that I actually want.

His longevity as manager is unbelievable in today's here-today-gone-tomorrow world of sports. I heard some stat on ESPN that he is one of like four or five managers to have coached the same team for 20 consecutive years...in the history of major league baseball. He is the last of a dying breed. Watching him argue with umps was always a nice entertaining break from the athletic contests, and no one got kicked out as regularly as he did; he has the record to prove it. I wish him the best, and hopefully this shift in management could kick start another Braves reign over the NL East.

Another thing he has going for him...he is easily my favorite wife-beater...but I still think he has a heart of gold...or she stopped reporting him.




In other news...any chance we will ever hear this over the loudspeakers at Sanford? It's not as cool as anything Cory Smith has ever done, but then again what is...

"You can win the confrence with three or four losses..."

From our friends in the ACC...Chris Fowler and the guys at ESPN are really finding some humor in some Clemson kid's misery, and I must admit...I am too. Remember kids: we live to play another day.

Friday Haiku

Where is my haiku?
You fucking sandbagging fucks
I'll do one myself

AMBER ALERT!!!!

I'm a little concerned. Don't know about you guys??

If Donnie went pro...

Boykins

Old Funny Commercial

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to the king, no not Elvis, but to Mr. Arnold Palmer. The coolest guy to ever wear the Green Jacket. Happy Birthday big dawg. 80 years old and still a badass.

And Holland Said...

This was a text exchange between Jack and I that I thought was funny;

Me: I am glad that Couples didn't pick Brian Gay for the Presidents Cup

Jack's response: Yeah, Couples said he wasn't comfortable with a gay in the locker room.

hahaha

That's just the way it is

My Boy Moreno

Let College Football Begin

Go Dawgs! Go Eagles!

Beatles Block

Today, I received an e-mail from Q105.3 and they are going to play my Beatles Block on Saturday morning at 9:30am. If interested, please listen. It is a George Harrison theme.

My newest attempt to not be kicked off the blog

This dude knows how to roll

Welcome to the future

Schiv and Donnie are probably the only people who are interested in this video. It looks like it is definitely gonna be better and definitely gonna be more complex...i think im gonna start saving up for the release

Comedy Club Weekend

Murray, I rarely watch videos online that last longer than 3 mins....not that I am busy...just a modern American...anyway, those shits were hilarious. for a good time, check this dude out

Norm MacDonald

The whole thing is great but the last half is hilarious.

"And then There's Charles Woodson. How bout that? (applause) He became the first defensive player to win the Hiesman Trophy. And, Charles, no one can take that away from you...unless you kill your wife and her waiter."

Classic! Everything this guy does is gold. See here and here for a 1997 "toast" to President Bill Clinton. Notice how no one is laughing.

And now, a message from the OITO Oversight Committee:

Pl0we, you are hereby indicted on the charge of "Becoming to big for your britches" (189-09).

The Savannah High Song

In honor of the Savannah High Game coming up, I thought I should write the lyrics to the savannah high song down. My dad taught me this song when I was young along with the fight song. Some of you might know it. It goes:

On the banks of ole Savannah,
through the fields of the ole grey.
Lies an old abondon shit house! Shit House!
Ole Savannah High.

What Ocean's 11 Member You Are

Danny Ocean (George Clooney) - Donnie

Rusty(Brad Pitt) - P.Lowe

Frank (Bernie Mac) - Shane

Rueben (Elliot Gould) - Pat Holland

Virgil ( Casey Affleck) - Larry

Turk ( Scott Caan) - P-Mac

The Amazing Yen - Rick

Livingston Dell - Johnathan Williams

Basher( Don Cheadle) - Jack

Saul - Will

Linus - Joey

Terry Benedict( Andy Garcia) - Schiv

Nightfox - Andrew

Tess Ocean - Katie Crider

One of Favorite Movies

Lets go BC

Beat Windsor!

Character my ass!

I Don't Think So Dr. Lou!

Dr. Lou Holtz making some bold predictions. I like Notre Dame, (I also hate their coach) but there is no way in hell Notre Dame will be going to BCS National Championship Game. That is like saying Savannah State will have a winning record.

12 days till season. I'll see everybody Sept. 05. Hope Richard Samuel can get the job done. He has some big shoes to fill.

Question: Will QB Logan Grey ever start this season?

BC game thursday against Windsor Forest.

"You mean Jew York? It's fucking great."

I always thought that this guy did everything he could for baseball and America. He finally got the tribute he deserves...

Marsh

I stumbled upon this, and thought it was quite humorous.

13 days till UGA game.

Mom's Spaghetti

So, I disappeared for awhile. I've been doing some soul searching and much like Schiv's quest to become Savannah's first bro mayor, I too have realized my calling. I have decided to form a rap group. This rap group will be as real as it gets -- hood richness, bitches and platinum accessories etc... You know, the whole nine yards. Murray, step up to the plate and be somebody...

Letterman

Still Laughing

Nut-Ball

Who is laughing now!

Celebrity Uber-Dick of the Week

Who: Mark Cuban

Why: For not letting Dirk Nowitzki play for the German National Team in the European Basketball Championship.

Runner Up: Rosie O'Donnell

New Poll

Which one of these seems most accurate....?

Anymouse

Barstool69

Rick

Patrick M

JJH4

Weazle

Carrel_Fan

PLowe

Donnie

sauers6

Shane