Makin it Rain(ey)

So, a few tests and lots of bull shit school work have kept me from making fun of this guy for a couple of weeks. Time's up. As many of you know, Chris Rainey was a super retarded fast WR/RB for the Gators. But his girl was straight buggin, so recently his focus has been off the field. Well, Rainey decided thrextin (threatening texts?...might be a stretch) his girl would be the best way to communicate his displeasure with her. Turns out, you are allowed to text folks messages like, "Time to die". Rainey was arrested and charged with stalking, and needless to say, he's not playing football for the Gators right now.

You're asking, "So what?" Well, I'm going to miss this guy if he doesn't find some way to get back on the field or more importantly, in front of a microphone. Over the past few years this guy has been the Ozzie Guillen of college football. Just a month or so before the season, Rainey felt the Gators were locked in more so than ever, and he told reporters, "I guess we got rid of the prima donnas -- all the selfish cats." Umm, did you forget the most inspired speech ever?!? Yea, so come up with your own 3 minute run-on sentence, and then come talk to us. Anyways, CUM took Chris Rainey's media privileges away.

CUM on Rainey (pre-arrest): "Inappropriate, wrong, non-thought out, which he does quite often," Meyer said in the wake of the "prima donnas" quip. "I love Chris Rainey, but when I ask him a question, I give him a whole day to think about it and write it down 100 times."

You know what I got out of that? CUM is kinda funny. Naturally, this wasn't the first time Rainey said something that left the coaching staff shaking their heads and everyone else laughing (except white girls). Rainey wasted little time after arriving in Gainesville and wanted everyone, especially the sno-bunnies, to know where he stood... "Every time you see a fine girl, you see another fine girl better than her. Some people like different color girls and stuff like that. I'm a white girl man." And a star was born...