OITO Video of the Year

Video was not chosen democratically because I do not know how to put a poll on the blog. So it was sent to a committee, and they chose the video.

And the winner is:

Jack's video


OITO and the rest of the world send their congrats to Mr. Holland.

Top 5 Jokes of The Decade

Scaring People

In high school, I used to find places to hide, and then jump out at unsuspecting fellow scholars and shock and scare the shit out of them. Of course, it was always funnier for me than it was for them. But that is all that really matters. Barstool caught a glimpse at this form of physical comedy last night, and Shane is easily scared, and thus, one of my favorite targets. I laugh really hard after I scare someone.

Prank Phone Calls

The Jerky Boys and Crank Yankers made a career out of them, and they are just as fun for amateurs. You may be saying, "But Weazle, you were in high school and college for most of the decade." And I say to you, "Yes, prank phone calls were still fun as shit in high school" Nothing beats calling your friends' parents late at night and telling them they have won free vacations and things to that effect. Or inviting people to parties at other peoples' houses...when they weren't having parties. I wouldn't do it now...but it doesn't mean that I don't laugh about it still.
"How many push-ups can your brother do?"

Damon was the climax of a long running joke for the summer of 2001, by 2002 the joke, like all good jokes, had been ran into the ground. Here is the set up:

Someone who has seen the joke play out before: "Hey (insert name here), ask Pat how many push-ups his brother can do"

(Name inserted there): "Hey Pat, how many push ups can your brother do?"

Pat (option one): (aggressively) "OH YOUR REAL FUNNY, MY BROTHER DOESN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING ARMS"

Pat (option two): (timidly) "Ugh my brother doesn't have any arms"

Anyway...a lot of people were shocked to see my brother's two arms when they met him later on.

Funny Websites

The Onion

The internet surely picked up some steam this decade, and has allowed for people to find a quick joke, and no website has served that purpose better than the onion. It possess a consistently high level of humor that can not be matched by any other website on the internet, and if anyone knows of another website that can match up to it, please leave the link in the comment section below.

Viral Videos

Nothing has ruined more lives, and caused more joy in 1-3 minutes than the Star Wars kid. Others were just plain fun: that kid after the dentist, the landlord and being interviewed between two ferns...I would hyberlink them, but I am sure we have all seen them...and I don't feel like going through the process. After all, nothing shows other people how creative and funny you are like posting a video of someone else being creative and funny.

Honorable Mentions

Dicks and Toasters and Shane

Shane: I'm gonna stick my dick in something tonight
Scary: Yea...a toaster
Shane: I'm gonna stick your dick in a toaster
(complete silence)

You probably had to be there; and if you weren't, you missed one of the top comedic performances of the decade.

That's What She Said

It is so easy to do...everyone is doing it...it's not that hard...what an awkward position. Say what you want about it, but I've done it a thousand times, and it is still fun.


Songs About Telling a Lover That You Gave Her AIDS

I'm not one to toot my own horn...but toot toot. Just last weekend, someone approached me at a bar and said, "Didn't you sing a song about giving a girl AIDS at the old Shamrock's Bar?" I have done stand up a few times, and this is definitely the bit that sticks with people the longest...just like AIDS.

Funny Television Shows and Funny Movies
"Well, this is pretty important how did it end up in the honorable mentions?" Well asshole, funny tv shows and funny movies have been around forever...I'm looking for fresh things from the past decade.

Funny Things To Look Forward To:
Coming in the Next Decade

-Donnie's wife and kids
-Hologram comedians in your living room
-the apocalypse in 2012
-all of us losing (more) hair

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all!

Also congrats to Cadet Tyler Crawford on his recent engagement.

Chappy Chaunakah

Hello Fiends (not a type-o),

It is officially Christmas. As myself and my father were enjoying a glass (or four) of Johnnie Walker Red (thanks Murray) and watching It's a Wonderful Life, I couldn't help but realize just how true the title of the film is. I am not typically the type of guy that buys into all of the hoopla that is a commercial and marketing field day, which is Christmas, but I still think it is a great time to truly appreciate all of the intangible things, meaning things you cannot touch, such as bromance and revelry...things you cannot touch, but know, without the shadow of a doubt, that their existence is real...things that all of us have in oodles. I am not going to make this long and drawn out because I don't think I posses the intellectual fortitude to continuously create complete sentences in this state of mind. Any who, I just want to take this time to show my appreciation to a bunch of guys that I did not grow up with, but nonetheless, have accepted me and my rambunctious life style, as one of their own. Although I will never have the warped love of BC that you all possess, or the fashion sense of a forty year old, I do have a great group of buddies...and that is something to hang my hat on. As the angel Clarence writes in It's a Wonderful Life, "No man is a failure who has friends", and based on that statement, I would say we are all far from failures...except for you, you know who you are. Now I must get to bed before Santa arrives.



Your Pal,
Bunger

Happy Birthday P-Mac

1) He can knock the shit out of a golf ball.

2) Born on the same day as Rick, his future roommate and best friend.

3) Really good with the ladies.

4) Has seen more of Rick's adventures in person than anyone else.

5) A good guy and a good friend.

Happy Birthday Big Dawg

Happy Birthday Slic

Some Interesting Facts:

1) He owns the keys to the city of Columbia, SC.

2) He hates all thing GT, UT, the Big 10, and SC; and that is not a bad thing.

3) He can make it rain in Bourbon Street.

4) Is part of the Dawg-Duo.

5) BFF with Jeff Owens and Rod Battle.

6) Born on the same day as P-Mac, his future roomate and Best friend.

Happy Birthday Big Dawg

Favorite UGA Games of the Decade

1) 2002 SEC Championship Game
2) 2007 UGA-FLa Game
3) 2005 SEC Championship Game
4) 2007 UGA-Auburn
5) 2001 UGA-Tennessee
6) 2002 UGA-Alabama
7) 2004 UGA-Fla
8) 2007 UGA-Alabama
9) 2009 UGA-Gt
10) 2002 UGA-Alabama
* excluded bowl games

Honorables: 2004 LSU, 2003 Tennessee, 2006 Auburn, 2008 LSU, 2001 GT, 2005 Tennessee

My Top 5 Favorite Movies of the Decade

1) The Departed


2) Gran Torino


3) Man on Fire


4) Gangs of New York


5) Superbad

Possible Invention

Flat Tire
The past few days I have a sensor in my truck that has went off that denotes the air pressure in my tires is low. I have checked them all and they seem to be fine, no worries Toyota, my gas pedal is not getting stuck either. In thinking about tires and air pressure, I began to think about air in tires itself. So I asked myself, what would be to best substitute for air in a tire. And I came up with an interesting idea...

Instead of filling up a tire with air, why not fill it with liquid. I know, I know, you're asking why? Here are my reasons why;

• Liquid is heavier; I know it may not be better on gas mileage, but it may be a good tool to help keep a car on the road. Distribute the weight between the 4 tires that come in contact with the road.
• Possible better shock absorption; I didn't pay attention much in physics but maybe the liquid would help with lightening the load on the shocks. Maybe?
• Flats; This was my only question. What would happen if you did get a nail or screw in your tire? What I would propose is if you filled the tire with a type of polymer or liquid that when it came in contact with air, it would solidify to the type of rubber that the tire is made out of. And even there was a leak in the tire, have it a different color so that you would be able to spot for repair.

These are just three bullets that I've quickly come up with. All pros I believe. Any thoughts?

*Patent pending*

J.D. The Movie

Rick's Boy, John Daly, is writing a new book, and plans on trying to make a movie out of it. All I could say is, best golf movie ever!

Potential Actors to play Daly:

1) Jack Black

2) Kevin James

3) Jonah Hill

Potential Actresses For Daly's 4 ex-wives:

1) Miley Cyrus

2) Rachel McAdams

3) Taylor Swift

4) Audrina

KP Chronicles

"Tom Foolery of JJH4"
Today's post in on the times of messing with JJ throughout the times that KP was thriving with the youth of SJS during the summer and weekends. JJ has always been an odd fellow who my brother and I found joy in seeing him in awkward situations. There are 3 such episodes in which I can fondly remember.

• Come To my Window;

This was one of the hot summer nights where we would late night visit to get JJ to come out so we can go hit on the Byerly girls down the street. It was me and my aforementioned cousin in the prior post michael. I'm guessing it was around midnight and we didn't wanna wake Liz so we climbed over the fence and snuck around back. We had to calm Chipper so he wouldn't wake up the whole neighborhood, and apparently we did a good job because JJ had no idea what was about to happen. It was they days when AOL IM'ing was reaching the height of it's career and JJ was deep into his computer. Wearing a t-shirt and those old kinda boxers that maybe he got from his grand dad. So, me and Michael tap on the window, nothing. Tap a little harder, jack looks around but goes back to typing what he likes about McCall to someone else. Finally, a third round of tapping, He looks up, starts screaming and falls into the closet, pulling down a few shirts on the way down. One of my proudest moments. I think he threw away Gdads boxers.

• What are you doing? It's 4 in the morning!

JJ was always weird about a few things. Eating at other people's houses, and sleeping at other people's houses. Now being that it was right down the road you would think JJ would be ok with sleeping over. But I guess not. One night we were down at my house watching a movie. May have been Rudy, or the mighty ducks, not sure. Well it started getting late, around 1100 tops and JJ fell asleep on the couch. My Brohan and I couldn't believe it. He's sleeping at someone's house!!! We knew that when he woke up he would freak out, leave and go stroll on his beach cruiser 5 houses down. So my brother and I decide to play a little trick on jackie-poo. We turn out the lights and the tv, make it completely dark. We wake em up and ask em, "What are you doing here, it's four in the morning." Faster than Usain Bolt he's out the front door to the side of the house where he usually finds his bike. (Little did he know that before we woke him up, we moved the bike to the other side of the house.) And you've all seen it. The look of JJ's face as if he's about to win or lose 100 dollars, when he puts his hands to his head going....."Ohhhhh boy!" That was a good one.

• What's your name sir? "Bryan Gray"

JJ also made a nice 5 hole golf course in his front yard. But being the man he was he would not settle for anything but the best. So one day we decide to take our hogs over to Fairway oaks with a few golf clubs and a putter. We cruise up beside live oak on bacon park's golf cart, ride all the way down to the par three by the woods, and walk up onto the fringe and start chippin onto the green. Before we started our escapade on the course we all agreed to keep a look out for the rangers in case one came up and we got in trouble. Well we had been up there for maybe 5 minutes, and without warning, Joe f*cking hauls ass back to the bikes, I didn't question his reasons and I took off right behind him. We hit the low gears on our bikes for a speedy get away and we start to look back, no Jack. I ask my brother what we are in a hurry for and he tells me there was a Marshall creeping up on us and he didn't know how JJ didn't see em? We get to the end of the road and finally JJ pulls up with a lackadaisicle(sp?) look on his face. "What happened?!" we asked JJ.
"Well he came up to me and told me not to come back and asked what my name was." JJ replied.
"Well what'd u say?"
"I said my name was Bryan Gray and I'll never come back again." Good one JJ, Burn.

Boxing Match in Statesboro

How it Started:

Cadet Williams made a statement that all sharks are scared of killer whales. Shane called him out. It lead to a friendly boxing match.

It Is What It Is

Directly cut and copied from Facebook messaging

Adam Showacker December 2 at 2:28pm

P Bunger here, in case the name threw you off. I will cut to the chase: I don't want to be a blogless blogger, now that Only in the Office has just about officially bit the dust. Joey hasn't contributed in months, shane is spread too thing between blogs, i didn't even know that andrew sauers was on the blog, and p lowe...well p lowe posts some nice videos from time to time, but the blog ain't much to be proud of. I was hoping to extend this olive branch to you, in hopes that you could make me a contributor to Only in America. I'm not gonna beg, because that ain't my style. However, I believe that I have a lot to offer, and I can hold my own with the other bloggers of OIA. My email is thegreatbungezze@aol.com and I look forward to your decision.

Sincerely,
John Patrick Bunger

Adam Showacker December 3 at 12:24pm
P.S.

Disregard that....it looks like there is some life left in OITO after all... Have a good day, and I am sure I'll see ya around this holiday season

I can't say that this was my proudest moment. However, I don't completely regret it. I basically felt like I was the last one fighting the good fight. I basically felt like I was blogging to myself; I felt like a solo golfer competing against a best ball foursome. However, in my darkest hour, Mr. Sauers came through like a beam of sunshine, and I recanted my request.

I'm not too concerned about getting kicked off of the blog because it would mean that Carrel_fan has been monitoring the blog, which I highly doubt. If I do get the boot, then I will survive. After all, I recently learned that you can comment on posts whether or not you are on a blog or not. Or, I could always launch "Only On My Computer."

I will now open the comment section to any and all challenges of character or blogsmanship, and answer any questions anyone may have; because, I believe that issues must dealt with head on in order to grow from them.

Back in the Days of KP

So I figured it's been awhile since I've posted on the blog and it seems the heat is turning up on the OIA v. OITO so I figured I'd post something on the good ol' times of KP that most of ya'll were not lucky enough to experiance, and those that were, were never sorely missed in the stompin grounds. So I'm starting a new segment called "Back in the Days of KP" (KP means Kensington Park. I figured ya'll mothatruckers use enough initials that it doesn't need explaining. But there are a few loose bolts on the OIA side." What I'm gonna try my hardest to do, is tell a story of something that happened that humored me while living in KP which mostly involved the Hollands, the Byerlys, me and my brother, and a few well known friends peppered in here and there. Should be fun and a curve ball from the normal bulljive that weazle or shane puts on here that usually gets shiv's panties in a wad. And who knows, I'll throw in a couple of stories from that era that doesn't really involve KP itself, but something that happened along that time in which we were kings of the KP, kinda like the glory days if you will. Plus, No one reads these blogs besides the people who are in one circle, so why not contribute something that is completely useless anyway.

"Yo! You know what time it iz?"

It was one of the days of summer in between 7th and 8th grade. Late July I believe when the sun was getting to be pretty hot and for some reason we did not get invited to go the German country club with the Byerlys. Probably because Jack got busted making out with middle byerly girl one night and then older byerly girl two nights later, but that's besides the point. Every day for lunch we would go to one of 6 places. McDonalds, Wendy's, Baldinos, all in medical arts center, or sometimes when we were ballsy we would ride on our bikes to either the BK lounge on waters and eisenhower or krystals or Subway on DeRenne and White bluff. Hardly ever Subway. In fact, as I remember, this is one of the only times I ever went to Subway. One, because I don't really like sub sandwhiches, and two, if I was going to eat a sub sandwhich, Subway blows. But I digress.

Back to the story; My two cousins are in town, Michael and Matthew. They are from Effingham and ellabell respectively and arent too familiar wit' deez parts. Regardless/irregardless, we walk over to hollands house and he decides he wants Subway. After minimal objection we decide to go. JJH pets his dog Chipper goodbye with a golf club and we are out.

Now, this stage of our lives we are purely bike riders. Seldom walk much unless little holland or littlest byerly are coming and don't have enough bikes. Jack was riding his beach cruiser that was a christmas gift that year I think. It was a dark color will silver shiney fenders. My cousins had my old P.O.S. and one of jack's sisters I believe. And I was riding my moms nice green performance bike that was pretty expensive for a 7th going on 8th grade tot. We strap up, roll out, and are on our way.

It may be a good 3 minute bike through little isreal til we get to busy abercorn. We didn't cross at the normal cross walk for what reason I'm not sure. But in crossing, we get to the middle of abercorn where krystals is located, and look across to where that shopping center is and see 5 guys on 4 bikes, color of skin does not matter. And JJH looks at me and goes, "Lets go around to derenne side." Obviously to steer clear of the fellows heading our direction. I agree and we cruise on over to derenne going against traffic, heading to subway. Now about the time we get in front of Captain D's our friendly fellows are cruising threw the parking lot of Captains D's and politely cut us off. We stop and exchange pleasantries in which one of the ringleaders ask. "Hey, yo, You know what time it iz?" Me and holland look at each others wrist to see that neither of us has a watch. We turn to see our two cousins shaking their heads, Nope, not a time piece on any of us.
"Sorry man, don't know what time it is."-me

"Time for you to get off yo BIKE!!!" says ringleader, in a rick james sort of an accent.

Im perplexed, stunned, and searching for air. Am I getting robbed of my bike, at 12 oclock in the day, in the middle of broad day light. ON DERENNE?!?! Yup. Sho wuz. Outnumbered, with suprise as their wildcard, and with our tails between our legs, we politely gave em our bikes. and they rode away. BUT WAIT!, heres the kicker! In my adrenaline staged duress, I run inside the captain D's to look for help. And what do I see. F*ck YEA! it's a cop in a uniform! Yes! for sure my luck is turning up and were gonna get em! I run up to em and said.

"SIR! SIR! There are some kids that just stole our bikes!!!"

And this is about the time where my excitement was crushed... he slowly turned to me, and saw the horror in my eyes, once i realized and the words that came out of his mouth..............

"Sorry buddy.....I'm just a CAT bus driver."

And he damn sure was. Had the CAT symbol on there and everything. It was kinda like someone taking all the easter eggs you've found, and jumping on them, breaking them all.

Well. That's the first story of Back in the Days of KP. I know it's a long read and probably the next few wont be as long. I just had to start off with something good. Or at least decent. And then if and when I get any followers, I'll start to taper off and get boring and repetitive. Kinda like my own OIA.

Just Kidding

Hey but PMac, while I got your attention...

Please consider putting us back on the 'blogs of interest.'

Not that I care -- 'cause this blog has kind of taken a dive as of late**-- it's just that when you remove us its a moral victory for Barstool. Just remember Hitler started small too. I believe the timeline went something like this. Failed attempt at a complete takeover, then censorship, then convincing the commander in chief (thats you in this case) to submit to his preferences.***

*It's been said before that Barstool kills puppies.
**Sorry Weazle. Its all relative. This blog used to be greatness, now its just mediocre.
*** Editor's Note: Probably not historically accurate.
**** P.S.-- Tiger Woods did not kill himself.