Headlines!

Keeping you in the know...

•  Egypt is pissed  

This is my effort to read the paper more often.

• Calling all strippers, Dallas needs you! 

 Dallas, Augusta, GA feels your pain. Fifty-one weeks out of the year, Augusta is in a stripper shortage crisis. There's plenty of Def Leppard and Poison playing over the speakers, but no girls. One thing's for sure... come Master's week, it's snow bunny season! 

• Pujols wants ARod money

Ten years, 300 million. That's insane. I was contacted by a recruiter for a physical therapy clinic in Brunswick -- the one where I did my clinical work. The recruiter asked me if I was interested in working down there, and I said, 'sure, if you guys will pay back my student loans.' He declined, so I declined. Hey, at least I'm not asking for 30 mill a year.

• I just ate my last taco

That's what she said.Ever since Joe told us about his failed trip to TB due "a faulty meat hose", I gave some thought to the quality of TB...for a minute or two. But when San Francisco told me that the "beef" is really: "Beef, water, isolated oat product, salt, chili pepper, onion powder, tomato powder, oats (wheat), soy lecithin, sugar, spices, maltodextrin (a polysaccharide that is absorbed as glucose), soybean oil (anti-dusting agent), garlic powder, autolyzed yeast extract, citric acid, caramel color, cocoa powder, silicon dioxide (anti-caking agent), natural flavors, yeast, modified corn starch, natural smoke flavor, salt, sodium phosphate, less than 2% of beef broth, potassium phosphate, and potassium lactate",  I freaked. I don't eat soy. 

Slow News Day

"In South Georgia, we call them fellas that's light in the drawers, roommates."

Two for Twenty-Three

hat title doesn't make any sense does it? Since my attempt to be clever failed, I'll just tell you...two posts for January 23rd (today). 


I'm sure you're thinking...

Don't be shocked. It's been done it before. And for those of you that are still doubting... tell 'em Samuel L.

Now that that's settled or I've lost the readers, let's get started!

#1

Let me start by saying thanks to A. Morgan for introducing me to one of these videos. You may want to punch him in the eyeball once you see it. I'll let you decide....

For the most part, Cali Swag District's "Teach me how to Dougie" has been far and away the best song to dance to for the past year...maybe the past 100 years. When, if ever, have you been able to stand in one spot, flail your arms around, and mimic brushing your hair and look cool? I'll venture to say never. 



It's a wrap, right? Wait! Sooo, this isn't a one horse race? That's where homeboy Morgan steps in...




I'm just impressed that black folks know what Weekend at Bernie's is. If I had to choose what to bust out with in da club, I'd probably go with the Bernie. Seriously, do you know how much attention you would get with that? A lot. Answer this, when you're driving past a used car lot or a wholesale furniture store and you see on of these...

 ...you cannot tell me that you aren't immediately drawn to them, can you? That's how polarizing the Bernie is. 

Winner: doin the Bernie

Loser: probably everyone around you

#2

Sports!

Why? Because I can.

• UGA Football got something other than a kick in the balls on Thursday. They missed out on a OLB from Penn. named Barnes (so, maybe not such a bad thing), but they did sign two big recruits from the state of GA. If nothing else, they kept Jay Rome and Malcolm Mitchell away from the state of Alabama. I'm not sure that Rome will have much of an impact early in his career, but Mitchell sure can. Searles is gone, and hopefully he took that pussyfooting on the O-line with him.
• It's halftime at the NFC Championship, and all the talk is about field conditions. Give me a fuckin' break; this isn't polo.
• Vince Young believes that he is still an elite NFL QB. Good for you, buddy.
• Georgia Basketball has been a head scratcher. Or maybe not... they are beating the hell out of bad to mediocre SEC teams (exception being Kentucky). Sandwiched in between those W's are some really bad performances. They've got a big one Tuesday
• Pitchers and catchers report Feb. 14th. I'm talking about baseball. You guys are nasty. The Braves are looking to build on a good 2010 season. But what will they do without Melky,  Farnsworth, and Kawakami?! I hear you, but we'll make it. And by the way, Kawakami still in the organization, so come off that ledge.

Two posts. I knew I could do it.

RIP

Once a weazle, always a weazle

One may be surprised at the weird stuff that emerges when one Googles images using the keywords: weasel & angel. Or not. Anyways, my grieving period is over. Sunday, we lost a valuable member of OITO or whatever we're called. Weazle was a great contributor for a pretty decent amount of time. He kept the masses guessing when he first arrived. Yep, Weazle was quite the hot topic. Though that new smell wore off, Weazle always kept readers thinking and in some cases, debating grammar and syntax. He always got the last lol or lmao or whatever.

Weazle,

You will be missed here. Trust that Sauers and myself and maybe Shane, but definitely Sauers if not me or Shane, will keep the fire burning. You will always be the OITO "wildcard". "It's gonna get weird."

XOXO,
C_F

I bid thee adieu...

I can't remember the last time I apologized.
And it ain't gonna be right now.
I am an animal. I embrace that.
Some may call me an Asshole.
I choose to not respond to those nicknames anymore.
"I am what I am." - Popeye
I've had a blast.
But, Savannah is no town for a Weazle.
Maybe one day.
See Yall around.

Top 5

There's been a lot of fuss since Seattle beat New Orleans in the 1st round. Somehow the Bears get rewarded, and the Falcons get stuck with a team playing as well as any in the league. Here's the top 5 reasons why I'm OK with the New Orleans Saints losing last weekend.

5. Hasselbeck v Cutler could go one of two ways: a shoot out or a tard fight. No matter what, America wins, except if you live in Chicago or Seattle.

4. Saints = Aints...may be too soon, but it's still funny.


3. Now that New Orleans' magical run is over, ESPN's Tom Rinaldi and his "this team is giving the city hope" montages can cool it. It's been over 5 years, I think the team has done all it can for you, NOLA. Maybe the New Orleans Hornets will pick up the slack. Tulane Green Wave?

2. That'll teach you people to speak French in this country.

1. Now that the season is over for Reggie, he and Kim can try to work things out. Fingers crossed!

Coming to a karaoke bar nearest you

....Polychronopoulus

With all of the new Droid phones and Verizon's new iPhone, I feel that my phone may be lost/stolen/damaged in the near future.

Live Blog

Get your priorities straight, sir.

8:15

Honestly, I just realized the title game was tonight. To my pleasant surprise, Fowler is joined by Saban and CUM. Not sure what the Oregon/AU line is, but I think the Saban/CUM line is off the board, given those health problems...

8:24

Shut up, Desmond. My pick: Oregon, 41-37.

8:31

"The smile that takes up an entire stadium, when he takes center stage." Come on, Musberger, you're better than that. Since all of these B.o.B. and Switchfoot songs are filling up dead space on TV, I'm going to fill some time with a bold prediction for 2011. Here it goes... Erin Andrews --> pregnant; Father --> unknown.

8:47

Two possessions yield:

Butterflies... 'cause their nervous.

9:02

Just as I'm about to post a good picture of Newman, from Seinfeld, Oregon throws a 2nd interception. But, those highlighter yellow shoes won't let me stay mad for long.

9:17

Boy oh boy, that Tebow commercial is racy...with tire flipping and push-ups covered in chains. At least he is staying true to his brand: a lengthy run-on sentence style delivery.

9:29

AU is on the board. I predict a Trooper Taylor to player back bump, and Bo Jackson finding his way on camera.

9:37

Chip Kelly goes for the 2pt conversion by way of the option...the holder is the pitchman and kicker the rb. If CMR has just an inkling of the balls Kelly has...

9:48



A nod to Cecil Newton... he couldn't make it tonight.

10:04

Wait, did I see that replay correctly? Did AU's #32 just knee an Oregon player in the groin region? Stay classy, Auburn.

As the first half is drawing to a close, advertisements have worked yet again. Taco Bell and their frito burrito is hollaring at me...undeley, undeley!

10:40

What did I miss? I just spent the last 15 minutes refreshing my MCG email account, hoping for a "don't show up to class tomorrow" notification. So far, MCG and el presidente are going to roll the dice.

10:50

In a matter of minutes, Nick Fairly shows why he's really good and a piece of shit. The guy is an absolute monster, but I have never seen someone go out of their way to be a bigger jackass.

11:15

Well, that was boring. Outside of the fake punt, I don't remember anything from that quarter. I'm going to need a uniform change or something, Oregon, to spice things up. Maybe the all whites with the white helmets.

11:34

SVP just informed the nation that the dumbest (or smartest) guy in college sports, Les Miles, could be moving to Michigan. What the hell is a "Michigan man"? I'm convinced that Miles is not a man. No, he's an alien, with no concept of a clock. On his planet, they still utilize the sundial. I'm not sure where I'm going with any of this, but I know that most people like to laugh -- Les Miles + Michigan talent level = laughs a plenty.

11:59

New ball game.

12:03

Ball game.

Snow Day!

I, like many others, took the Winter Storm warnings very seriously. Yesterday, I loaded up on all of the essentials: pretzels, Famous Amos cookies, the High Life, red wine, and all the ingredients for an Irish Coffee or two or four. So now that I'm set, I have two options for the day's activities:

Snowball Fight!!!

or

School work :(

At least it's school in my pajamas...

Brothers, there's still time to get you tickets for a big time event in Athens, GA. That's right, Widespread will be jammin' and doing drum solos at the Classic Center.

Come join that guy and Merchant as they do that weird w00k dance and take drugs, while JB and the boys provide the crunchy tunes.

My Two-Thousand and Eleven Thesis: On My Blog Which No One Reads

The Drain: Devil's Advocate is a cheap way to substantiate an argument. A four year old could conduct such an argument, or anyone who knows what the opposite of something is.

Schiv, the way I see it fitting is thus: I care about the betterment of society, which is why I teach and coach. I care about the betterment of each individual student or athlete. There are days when I can't stand some of my students or some of my players, but I show up the next day, regardless.

The discourse we have been conducting seems to be more about the image of a school and a program than about the actual mission statement (whatever it is) of the school.

I must admit that I was slinging a little mud in yalls' eye because I find it so laughable that you all care this much about the school you went to seven years ago. However, it is easy to care that much from the peanut gallery.

In today's society, there is no shortage of people who can point out what the problems are in the world, and we are at a huge shortage of people who daily attempt to cut out societal ills.

So, I guess what I meant to say the entire time is this. Lancaster Catholic would shit all over Benedictine Military School. As Executive President of Student Council 2003 Session, quite possibly one of the greatest classes to ever wear the regal Purple and Gold, I find it cute, how much time yall waste thinking about the shit heads that go to your school now.


In the land of Yankees, we excell in high school, then move on. Or we don't. I can't speak for all of my classmates. We hated high school when we were there, we couldn't wait to get to college. There were three of my classmates that went to the illustrious college of Notre Dame. Our valedictorian works for NASA. One of my best buddies plays for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Last decade we won a State Basketball Championship, as well as a State Football Championship.

Maybe what the real problem is for your Cadets is the since of tradition that is being forced on every kid that attends BC. And it appears to be a tradition of nothing special. I haven't ever been impressed by BC in sports or anything else. Yall want to ride on your laurels of being the best school to go to in Savannah...well, there ain't much compitition, and I'm not really sure that you hold that title.

I understand that yall are Cadets. A cadet is a military personell in training.

I'm a God damned Crusader. We fight for a cause.

We don't just learn to fight to learn to fight.

We win like it is our job. We piss excellence. Yall don't even know what that taste like.

2010 Awards

Welcome to the show.

Ladies first...

The Woman of the Year Award goes to a group of women...a large group. Okay, I couldn't decide which cast I like more, so it's a tie between the woman of the League and the women of Modern Family.








Cool it, the Dunphy girl is 19 or 20. As for Gloria, well just look at her. She's got a lot to offer, and as most of you know, broken English is one of my favorite things of all time.


We all know Mrs. Dunphy is hot, but what makes her a co-Woman of the Year is putting up with Phil's antics. As for the non-Modern Family female, well she enjoys sports, she's super hot, and she's got a filthy mouth. So I have one thing to say to you, Jenny from The League... heyyy.

And now for the Radio Show of the Year... Let me preface this by saying that going into to 2010, this award was Cowherd's to lose, and he did miserably. With all his yapping about TV ratings (what the hell is a 8, 3.7, 11.2, etc..?) and his weird metaphors comparing Andrew Luck to prime rib and Jake Locker to sirloin, Cowherd has been awful. That being said, let's give some love to two of the funnier guys I've heard on the radio. No not John Boy and Billy...

SVP and Russillo love the ladies, that's no secret. What may be a secret, to those not familiar, is that enjoy making fun of the people of Boston, Vern Lundquist, and Les Miles...among others. When they do decide to talk about sports, they're both very good at it. They don't come up with wacky conspiracies like Cowherd or act gay/retarded like Mike and Mike. The pair makes no secret that they are partial to gambling and drinking. Russillo is quick to point out a tasty NHL spread that may be flying under the radar, and SVP's "fade the public" theory of betting is all but fool proof...except for UConn(+16) v OK but who saw that coming?!? You know who saw greatness early on in SVP and Russillo? This guy.

The winner of the Must Have Gift of 2010 is

The Haircut Umbrella

What will they think of next? But seriously, isn't this genius? Instead of your hair failing to that nasty, dirty floor and piling up ready for sweeping, it can just pile up around your face and mouth. If you're looking for some added security, the Haircut Umbrella can also be filled up with water and used as a moat to keep intruders away from your head.

The 2010 Movie of the Year goes to Shutter Island. That was easy.

The 2010 Album of the Year goes to the Black Keys for Brothers.

The top five Facebook names of 2010 are:
1. Latracia "Pretty-Round" B.
2. Brian "Poetically Fly" J.
3. Candace "Still Standing" R.
4. Desmond "Mrgetitonjones" R.
5. Loreal "Cantholdmedown" L.

First off, I have to thank Groover, DeeJay, and Colbi for those names. There were sooo many more that I left off, but I think this was a solid list. Congratulations to all and stayonyourgrind!

The Video of the Year goes to some Asian track star. Enjoy...



The Award for Best Piece of Art for 2010 goes to the guy who painted this:

"Untitled", in all of it's majesty, is a one of a kind piece. Surely you can't put a price tag on this kind of work, but make Bunger an offer, and it could be yours. Everything must go...

Last but not least...

The Homey of the Year goes to...

Shane

Not to be confused with homo of the year. There was no one quite like Shane in 2010, or any other year for that matter. He was recently recognized for his manliness on another blog, but he is honored here for being the best, bar none. He makes no secret that work sucks, but he decided to stick it to the man. "I just try to do as little as possible nowadays", he says. That attitude is the least of that company's worries...I mean with 9 women in the same office, how does anything get done? He remains the go to guy for a no nonsense drinking partner, and for that, I'm grateful. Whether it's day drinking on a Wednesday or champagne out of a dixie cup, he's not too proud. Here in Augusta, if I'm not telling the story about when Keenan let a black kid borrow his bike -- in other words letting him steal it without a fuss, I'm telling a one of the many stories that include me and Shane doing something utterly retarded. Retarded, but fun. So cheers to you, Shane.



That's it.