Closet Freaks

Sexting just isn't enough these days. Nowadays, the "it" thing for celebrities and athletes alike is to go around banging everything that moves. Well, that's probably nothing new, but it is def the hot topic. Tiger is still making heads turn because of boom boom powing every snow bunny he could get his hands on. America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock, helping rich/bored housewives everywhere feel entitled, finds her wholesome husband slamming this piece of work. She's a white supremacist, so I'm sure many of you will be swayed in favor of the lil' cutie! JK! Yes sir, Jesse James. Not to be mistaken with Uncle Jesse, JJ has really done something. I was unaware that this guy still existed. Known for making motorcycles, Jesse has really, umm made some motorcycles. You fool, you cheated on the woman who gave us Speed AND Speed 2! I hate you. Sandra, you've already wasted your Oprah visit for this year. You'll have to wait til '11.

Back to everyone's favorite dumpster fire of a golfer. Oh, you were thinking JD? Daly can't even get laid; he just gets his ass whooped by the women in his life. The whole Tiger thing is just plain stupid. Both ESPN and Golf Channel were granted 5 min. interviews with the busy body. He said nothing. Nothing EXCEPT that he went away from his core, Buddhist values. Stanford education, Ari Fleisher and all you guys can come up with is the religion card? Tiger was/is/will always be a nerd, a nerd who is really good at golf. Golf made him rich, and then chickenheads started paying attention to him. So he had sex with every single one of them. Now, our only hope to shut all this crap up is for him to light it up at Augusta. Let's just hope he doesn't celebrate by dropping his pants and sticking his D in the 18th hole. FORE!!!!!!!!!

Keep em straight, JD.