No big deal...

...I just hang out with CMR on Wednesday nights sometimes.

They're dropping like flies.

Al Gore once said something like, "If it's on the Internet, it must be true" or maybe it was "I invented the Internet". I can't remember. Apparently, Logan Gray is unhappy. Can't say that this wasn't a long time coming, if it's true of course. Who's gonna fair catch punts now?!

Great form.

** Update -- The reigns have been pulled back on this rumor.

ATL's not that bad...

It has a couple of nice things to offer in all of that mess. Nestled in between all of the sassy/fancy pants Midtowners, the extras from Slumdog, & Puff Daddy restaurants, there's some stuff worth talking about in Atlanta.

First off, Fox Brothers BBQ is as good a eatery as I have ever come across. Food isn't expensive and pair that with the best Bloody Mary there is, and you've got yourself an instant classic. I have eaten there several times, and I cannot think of one bad thing to say about any experience. The work staff is as weird as it gets; they have a short rib that looks like that thing they serve to Fred Flintstone...may taste a bit better.

Secondly, this place is amazing. Now, it's no Savannah Civic Center, but Chastain Park is a great place to see a band. It reminds me of those talent shows back at the BSS gym. Not a bad seat in the place, and as long as the weather is cooperates, it's dang near perfect. The Tabernacle is cool, but to crowded. The Variety Playhouse is cool, but every time I've been there I fear being mugged or held hostage by a cult and forced to drink their Kool Aid. Check mark goes to Chastain.

Soooo, that's all I could come up with. I've heard the Aquarium is neato. Oh and the Braves play softball in Atlanta.

Here's My Morning Jacket playing Austin City Limits...minus all that Evil Urges junk. I saw them, Sam, and Sass Friday night.

Top Five Hot Chicks Who Are Funny Professionally

This is a list which I hold near and dear to my heart. You really can't get anything better than an attractive girl who is hilarious. They are difficult to find, and elusive like a unicorn's tear. This list is made up only of ladies that do stand up. There are a ton of hot chicks who are funny on television, or funny in the movies; but, stand up is a beast which takes some taming. It would be pretty difficult to come up with just five funny actresses who are hot. These five are in my own order. Feel free to re-order them in the comment section. Ranking is based more on attractiveness than humor. So without further ado...

Number One: Iliza Shlesinger

Many of you probably thought Sarah Silverman would take the number one spot. However, there is no denying that this lady has it going on. She won "Last Comic Standing" a few seasons ago, which is my favorite reality show, that I only watch when it is on marathon on the Reality Channel. I would never try to be on "Last Comic Standing" because it is discriminatory to paraplegic comedians. Anyway, she is one hot and funny Jew.

Number Two: Sarah Silverman

After many years as the number one, Ms. Silverman had to move down a peg. She is really hot. She is really funny. However after hearing all kinds of poop jokes come out of her beautiful mouth, a certain degree of attractiveness had to suffer. Still, if you are reading, Sarah, let's hang out. Her loyalty is a little under question, since she cheated on my man Jimmy Kimmel with good Will Hunting. She's another hot and funny Jew.

Number Three: Amy Schumer

Wow...The Jews really have the hot funny chick market cornered. Here is yet another really hot, really funny Jew. She was on "Last Comic Standing." She is my MySpace friend. I kinda got a propensity for chicks with curly hair...and this chick is killing it.

Number Four: Whitney Cummings

Porn star name? Don't be gross. She is hot. She is on Chelsea Lately a lot. I almost put Chelsea Handler on the list; but, top six doesn't have the same ring to it. Whitney Cummings may or may not be Jewish.

Number Five: Tammy Pescatelli

If you went to a ristorante and ordered a "Tammy Pescatelli", you better not eat it right away, because the dish is a smoking hot cougar. Cougar might taste gamey; but, I am game. Of course it would come with some olive oil for dipping, since she is the good kind of Italian, not the kind that you see on the Jersey Shore.

Who did I forget? I have a feeling like I forgot someone. Anyway, a good week to all of you.

Live Blog...kinda

7:15: Where's Michael Irvin? Was his plane delayed? Do what? Oh, not crack again. Say it isn't so! Way too many Tech guys invited to this thing.

7:27: Mel's gonna bring it tonight.

7:29: Already sick of that Jay-Z song.

7:37: With the first pick the St. Louis Rams select... a guy that played in the spread and has hurt his throwing shoulder twice...in one year. Mel - "... a great golfer in high school...", that should translate.

7:50: Is there a Mandarich in this year's draft? Probably not. I just crack up at how homoerotic SI was back in the day. P.S. I know that wine in a box is splendid, so Coors Light out of one has to be out of sight!


8:07:


Somewhere in California, there's a Kiffin taking credit for this one.

8:37: That's how you get it done, Jags. Pac 10 is a goldmine. Mel's hair is pissed that Clausen is still on the board.

8:42: Dear Under Armor, I protect this house by locking doors, staying up to date with the neighborhood watch, and reporting any suspicious activity.

9:15: What'd I miss? Chic fil A milkshake > draft. If I'm Jimmy Clausen, I fire everybody.

9:20: Love triangle on the Office right now. The Nard Dog is killing it.

9:32: Weatherspoon will bring that Mid West feel to Atlanta.

9:41: Pains me to say this but the quote of the night doesn't come from Boomer; 30 Rocks' Tracy Morgan - "Don't you like my dog, Tracy Sr.? He's trained to hate white people, not for profiling, but because most ghosts are white."

In other news, the Bengals newest addition, Jermaine Gresham, has already been arrested on an assault charge. Wah wah. Wonder how Odell Thurman's doing?

10:00: Cowboys won't lose a game this season. Hated this guy when he played Georgia, but he's the best receiver in the draft. Pretty surprised that guy from tech went before Bryant. Remember this...



and this...



Bryan Evans is a 5th to 6th rounder for sure...great cover corner.

10:10: Tebow goes before Clausen! Somewhere, Thom Brennaman is gushing, and a circumcised Ethiopian is saying "click, click, he snipped my dick!"

10:25: Boomer and Young going at it over special teams...

10:35: Gruden - "I like to look at the glass as half full Mel." Let's get ready to rumble, just don't touch the hair.

10:46: Detroit gets Matthew a running back. Gotta find some folks to block for them. The Lions will win 6 games this season, even with the loss of my cousin Ernie Sims.

11:00: Hey, I didn't know New Orleans was hit by a hurricane. They sure did beat the odds, 5 years later.

11:05: It's over! Part 1 of the "experiment" was pretty weird. Berman look really uncomfortable. Tom Jackson was just a long for the ride. Young acted like a jackass. Pretty sure Gruden was regretting his decision to take part in this mess about 20 minutes in. Clausen has dropped his name in the hat for the CFL draft. The Jaguars aren't even trying anymore. Tebow is America's quarterback. Watch out for the Cowboys this season and Jerry's drinking problem. Apparently, New Orleans is still reeling. And finally, Mel Jr. looked stunning, simply stunning.

My New Credo

"What’s my coaching philosophy? Give a kid a bird, and he becomes one of those weird dudes who walks around with a bird on his shoulder. But give him a pair of wings, and he can fly… unless he has absolutely no hand-eye coordination." –Phil Dunphy

OITO Behind the Music: DJ Marty

Producer: Last time, we brought to you the story of one man and his circuits. In this episode of Behind the Music, we will tell of one man journey to rump shaking stardom. Yes, we're talking about the infamous DJ Marty. When we asked one woman to described his act, she replied "You shouldn't talk that way to woman." Marty's response would likely be something like, "Ohhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaa you do." When I asked a few others, they responded "Oh yeah, the guy who barks at girls. I have seen him in Victoria's Secret before...what about him?" Off the stage, Marty is as cool as a cucumber, but don't ever think about handing him any vegetables. He's a meat and potatoes kinda guy. When he gets behind that mike, he's like an animal in heat.

Wind it back to the 60's. Growing up and into his teen years, Marty was trying to find his place in a world filled with what he describes as "...too much clothes, hippie music, and reading". He wanted more...ass that is.



DJM: "Ooooooh man, Roy warned me about you guys! Nah we straight, but look youngblood, I can't help it that I was born to break it down. You looking at the definition of an OG. I had that beat in my bones at a young age, and it made all the girls percolate. Now, look at me; I got shorties shakin them sandy butts every night."

Producer: No one ever accused him of being modest. He loves the ladies and well, the ladies just love to know Marty's whereabouts.

DJM: "Mannn, on a slow night at Tybee Time, I got bout 4 or 5 chickens with the booty sweat allon me son! Believe that! And don't ask me about a busy night. Ohhhhhhhh yeaaaaa! But haters will be haters. You know... I just praise Sir Mix A Lot for giving me the strengph to persevere through all the hateration"

The self proclaimed Prince of Booty and DJ Marty's idol, Sir Mix A Lot

Producer: This "hateration" that DJ Marty speaks of come from a talking pitcher of Kool Aid. The Kool Aid Man is stead fast in his complaint that DJ Marty stole his trademark phrase.

Kool Aid Man: "Are you asking me if he stole what was mine? Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhh!!!"

DJM: "Coooommmmmme on! Like I'm gonna steal something from a big ol' bowl of ketchup."

Producer: With phrases like, "girl, shake that pancake butt", "if you ain't down to f*ck, then get yo ass on", and the ever popular "mmmmm get boo a towel, she leakin", it's hard to see why any female would ever get the wrong impression.

DJ Marty posing with a longtime member of his fan club

DJM: "Listennnnnn, how else you gonna make it if you don't give something for them to remember you by? What do think is the first thing that comes to a dime's mind when I tell her that she got my head spinning the way she make her butt talk? 'Wow, DJ Marty is a great guy and super conscious of his surroundings... I should probably grind on him.' See what I mean?"

Producer: Given his rising status, DJ Marty has starting looking beyond the booth. He told us about his new adventures...

DJM: "I call it Booty Sweat. It's an energy drink. Hey, that stupid ass movie, Tropic Thunder, paid me for it. It's got real bits of booty, so it goes down smooth...every time."

Producer: For those of you who don't know DJ Marty, you will. If he isn't growling into mics or asking patrons to wobble with it, you can find DJ Marty getting that money...

DJM: "Can I leave you with one thought? Okay, For all the fellas out there, if your girl is twerkalatin and u ain't tryin to get in them draws...you better send her over to the booth. Ohhhhhh yeaaaaaa!"

A Tie

Someone once said a tie is like kissing your sister. In our last poll, the tie was like a hipster and a neo-hippie kissing your sister. No one wins.

Our next poll will be a little less about opinion, and a little more about gathering facts. Someone once told me to keep the bathroom humor in the bathroom. Now, I say, in the words of Meatloaf, "I won't do that."

Text From Last Night: OITO

(912) I just peed on my shirt cuz it was in front of my pee hole (11:10 PM)

Pitt Wins!!!!

picture provided by pittsburg panthers.com of Shane Murray

200

Tonight, South Park will be celebrating their 200th episode. In honor of this epic event, I would like to celebrate the unsung hero's who helped drive the show. It's a "Where are they now?": South Park.

Pip Pirrup - Best known for his role in season 4's, Great Expectations, Pip's character has faded from South Park. Last heard, Pip's green card was revoked. Pip was horrified to learn that, yet again, he was mistaken for a Frenchman and sent there to live...Tennessee style.


















Goth kids - Apparently, Goth kids aren't well received in South Park either. With Hot Topic gone, where are the Goths to go? Duh, Seattle. The job market is tough for those who wear black on black with a little more black. Some have been lucky enough to find work as cutters, I mean carvers at the prime rib stations in local buffets.
















Chef - And y'all thought he was dead. Chef just went Tupac on our asses. He and other Scientologists have traveled back to their planet to battle Xenu, with the hopes of regaining control of the Galactic Confederacy. God's, no L. Ron Hubbard's speed, Chef.

Turkey Trot

Thanks to the crackers in my class, I am proud to announce that turkey season is upon us. And I don't mean jive turkeys...


Yep, south GA is chalk full of them...turkeys and crackers that is. Throughout the day, our breaks consist of hunting stories, gun talk, and youtube videos like the one I'm going to show you in just a bit. Now, I have never been much of a hunter. Gathering is much more my style. Call me a Democrat, but there is something about putting bullets in to animals that just seems a little off to me. And don't get me started on those outfits!

But I'm a man! I fish. I wear short shorts, sperrys and costas...damn it. I catch fish, and I eat them. I catch crabs...wait, shit. There's no sitting in trees or application of deer piss. It's hard to beat a day in the boat with beer and the Rockwells. Anyway, I'm sure it's a double-edged sword, but fishing just appeals to me way more. I have had this argument several times with classmates, but majority rules, especially when they have guns.

***The following video is kinda funny and kinda f'ed up; there is NO happy ending. This is a friend of mine and another guy going deer slayer on turkey asses.***

Stereotypes save you so much time...

Anyone who knows me well, would possibly guess that I am not a big fan of stereotyping people. While stereotyping is a terrible way to place an entire group of people into a usually derogatory generalization, it sure saves a lot of time. Last night, while I was walking around amongst Athens' finest, I came up with a list of my least favorite people. I am not sure which I like the least, so I am going to attempt to create a poll, and allow you, the reader, to help me decide. The three categories are:

The hipster: tight jeans, ironic t-shirt, trying so hard to not be like everyone else that they all end up looking and acting like each other

The neo-hippy: The hippies had their day, back in the 60s and 70s. I would not begrudge them for what kind of filth that attempted to follow in thier footsteps, the same way I cannot begrudge The Grateful Dead for being the father of jam bands. After all, in the Grateful Dead's day, there was no such thing as a "jam band", and it is not their fault, if idiots compare shitty bands to them. The neo-hippies usually smell funny, and don't do much for society as a whole. Societal problems are often pointed out, plausable solutions never seem to follow them. I have been mistaken for a hippie, and even have friends that would fit in this category. However last night when I was at Live Earth and the aroma of herb and petchulli filled the hair, I asked my buddy, who plays in a pretty awesome Athens band, if he ever gets disgusted by the neo-hippies, and he said, "yea...sometimes."

The Yuppie: According to my cousin, Friday night, as I was getting a ride home from the bars, I was yelling, "WASPS" at anyone wearing a sports coat. I know I tend to bust yall's balls from time to time about dressing like old people, but at least yall don't dress like an old person...who just got out of a board meeting...on a Friday night at midnight. If you don't know what a yuppy looks like, go hang out at The Bohemian sometime.

An Athens Weekend Pre-Cap

So it has been decided. The Weazle is Athens bound. It has been a long time since I have been up there last, possibly since "The Great Culture Debate of Ok State." I was pretty broke for the last two years of undergrad; so, my excursions were extremely sparse. But, Athens will always hold a place in my heart. I have never had a bad time there: from wrestling matches in the middle of the road to opening four tabs at the General in the matter of half an hour. I once took a short cut through a thorn bush only to find a barbed-wire fence on the other side: a bad time in Athens still doesn't seem that bad.

I couldn't find anyone to co-pilot my adventure; so, I am rolling solo. I believe there will be some perks to this: I do not have to look after my cousin at all, the gas expenses will be lower, because the weight of an extra body in my car would add to the gas milage, I can leave ASAP instead of waiting for someone to get off of work at 5. The main thing I am looking forward too, besides for seeing my blogging brothers, is getting inside Sanford Stadium. Despite the fact that I have been to Athens for game day three or four times, I never ended up getting a ticket to go in the game. This could possibly be because of my cheap nature.

The first time I went to Athens, I was visiting a friend of mine from Pennsylvania who went to Georgia, and the first thing I wanted to see was Sanford Stadium...Since that late summer day in 2004, (Bear Williams was just beginning to get hair on his who-who) I have not made it inside the stadium. However, G-Day is free; and, that's where you'll find me.

Athens won't be the same without Big D there, and I know I speak for everyone when I say that we are sorry for your family's loss, and our thoughts and prayers are with yall. I will hit on a 17 year old, just for you, this weekend... a win is a win.

First pitch set for Beer:30

The Savannah Sand Gnats kick off the 2010 season with Thirsty Thursday home opener. As always, it should be a hot mess. I have a ton of great memories from these games, and I know you do to. I'm gonna try and remember them as best I can, but you can always add to any when you see fit.

- Back during the BC days, Shane, Jack, Rick, and myself attended an "All you can eat" Monday. I have never seen someone eat as much as Rick did that night. Those hot dogs and peanuts and pizza and nachos left me with a feeling in my tummy that only Uncle Otto's could rival.

- Way back when, maybe even the days of the Savannah Cardinals, me and big bad dude were sitting in the bleachers down the first baseline. Of course, there were about 100 people in the entire stadium, but another dad/son duo sits right in front of us. Duder showed them. Not one but two foul balls were hit our way, and the man himself reaches over top of the little squirt for both foul balls. There were some groans after the first grab, but the entire stadium came down on dad when he snatched the second away from that kid. Dude responded with a big sip of beer and wave to all of his new friends.

- "Hey kid, you wanna rock to play with?" It was probably only the 3rd or 4th inning, but we had all pounded as many beers as we could stand. This little 'tard is trying to steal a rake from the bullpen...THROUGH A CHAIN LINK FENCE. I have no idea who the player is that said that memorable quote, but that right there was his defining moment.

- Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the same kid who's dad tried to get him to eat a bug the size of a baseball in exchange for a ride home after the game? Seems like a straight up deal. That old guy had a laugh that one could never forget. Trying to describe it right now would never do it justice.

- Is there a better way to promote safe driving than on Thirsty Thursday? No way. 70% of that crowd drove home hammered that night. Hell, I lived right around the block, and I drove just out of pure spite.

- Double header rain outs = Hey fans, you're welcome to hang of and drink for as long as you like. I still can't get the theme to Pirates of the Caribbean outta my head.

- You know what would be an awesome promotional giveaway? Let's give those drunk assholes rubber balls. No, they would never throw them on the field all at once while the game is going on. Oops. Mr. War Ball would have lost his mind if he saw that site.

- Officer Dixon v. the armed forces who have a particular disdain for pink shirts

- The laser show brought to you each and every week by everyone's main man, TP.

What!?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Nothing New...

...but it never gets old...

Shane's big bro: The Great Hambino

Opening Day

NL Division winners:

East: Phillies
Central: Cardinals
West: San Francisco
Wild Card: Braves beat Rockies in plan-in game

AL Division Winners:

East: Yankees
Central: Twins
West: Mariners
Wild Card: Rays

The OITO crystal ball told me...

- Set the over/under on the mention of Tiger Woods' name during the season at 8.5
- Set the over/under on how many times Thom Brennaman says, "(insert name) is the heart and soul of this baseball team" this season on Fox to 14.5
- Troy Glaus will be good for 30 & 100
- The Rays will have a 4 game lead in the AL East going in to September
- Knowing they need to make a playoff push, the Red Sox will get Roy Oswalt and Hanley Ramirez in trades
- Manny will be something other than Manny
- We'll have repeat winners of the AL & NL Cy Youngs (Lincecum and Greinke)
- The Braves will send 5 to the All Star game (Jurrjens, Hudson, McCann, Escobar & McLouth)
- Since he's on the way out, Bobby will give up dipping and just go ahead with smoking heaters in the dugout
- Joe Buck will get more camera time than any team/player during Fox broadcasts

Go Braves.

It's here. After all of the whining about a crappy tournament, we get to see the last four teams that have survived. Personally, I have enjoyed the madness, but at the same time I would love seeing Kansas take on Syracuse or Kentucky and Baylor fly up and down the court. None the less, the Final Four is upon us. And, it's going to deliver just as it always does.

Michgan State v Butler(-1)

MSU is what happens when a great coach teaches a group of kids how to play good team basketball. They were a mess at the beginning of the season, but Izzo set them straight. Raymar Morgan pretty much quit on the team earlier in the year, but after a good talkin to by Izzo, Morgan has seen the light.

Butler is the definition of a solid team. They're experienced, and it shows. Everyone on the floor puts in maximum effort on both ends of the court. Their head coach, Brad Stevens, is due for a pay day with his 0.863 winning percentage and all. Gordon Hayward is probably the best player of the four teams left.

Result: Izzo can't do it all. Butler wins 68-64

West Virginia v Duke(-3)

I have never been a Duke fan...ever. In no way am I saying that they aren't a talented group, but this team's success is and always will be (atleast as long as K is running shit) a product of the three ball going in. No real surprise there. I do not agree with his style of coaching or lack there of, but it works most of the time. As long as the threes are falling, they'll continue to roll. Heaven help them when that well is dry. P.S. put Nolan Smith on another team with a different style, and he's a top 5 player in the country.

West Virginia is what happens when a bunch of great athletes are guided in the right direction by a guy that knows a thing or two about egos. Bob Huggins know how to manage guys, and get a lot out of them. He may not be the greatest coach, but he's a great manager and he knows the game as well as anyone. Guys want to play for him because if they play hard, the keys are theirs'.

Result: I just want Duke to lose, and Casey Mitchell get a little playing time maybe have an impact. WVU wins 65-54

Friday Top 5 w/ special bonus!

I put the iPod on shuffle on the drive home. Boy, I have got some really terrible stuff on that thing. There is, however, some pretty good stuff. 40 in one hand, phone in the other, and my knee as the co-pilot. Yep, I'm that guy those commercials warned you about. Here's the top 5 booze cruise songs:
5.


4.


3.


2.


1.

Friday Fact from Dwight!

"Fact: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby."