Top Five Hot Chicks Who Are Funny Professionally

This is a list which I hold near and dear to my heart. You really can't get anything better than an attractive girl who is hilarious. They are difficult to find, and elusive like a unicorn's tear. This list is made up only of ladies that do stand up. There are a ton of hot chicks who are funny on television, or funny in the movies; but, stand up is a beast which takes some taming. It would be pretty difficult to come up with just five funny actresses who are hot. These five are in my own order. Feel free to re-order them in the comment section. Ranking is based more on attractiveness than humor. So without further ado...

Number One: Iliza Shlesinger

Many of you probably thought Sarah Silverman would take the number one spot. However, there is no denying that this lady has it going on. She won "Last Comic Standing" a few seasons ago, which is my favorite reality show, that I only watch when it is on marathon on the Reality Channel. I would never try to be on "Last Comic Standing" because it is discriminatory to paraplegic comedians. Anyway, she is one hot and funny Jew.

Number Two: Sarah Silverman

After many years as the number one, Ms. Silverman had to move down a peg. She is really hot. She is really funny. However after hearing all kinds of poop jokes come out of her beautiful mouth, a certain degree of attractiveness had to suffer. Still, if you are reading, Sarah, let's hang out. Her loyalty is a little under question, since she cheated on my man Jimmy Kimmel with good Will Hunting. She's another hot and funny Jew.

Number Three: Amy Schumer

Wow...The Jews really have the hot funny chick market cornered. Here is yet another really hot, really funny Jew. She was on "Last Comic Standing." She is my MySpace friend. I kinda got a propensity for chicks with curly hair...and this chick is killing it.

Number Four: Whitney Cummings

Porn star name? Don't be gross. She is hot. She is on Chelsea Lately a lot. I almost put Chelsea Handler on the list; but, top six doesn't have the same ring to it. Whitney Cummings may or may not be Jewish.

Number Five: Tammy Pescatelli

If you went to a ristorante and ordered a "Tammy Pescatelli", you better not eat it right away, because the dish is a smoking hot cougar. Cougar might taste gamey; but, I am game. Of course it would come with some olive oil for dipping, since she is the good kind of Italian, not the kind that you see on the Jersey Shore.

Who did I forget? I have a feeling like I forgot someone. Anyway, a good week to all of you.